LOL

"Suicide Hotline...please hold."

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

Me, Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

Life is Uncertain... Eat dessert first!

Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield.

Families are like fudge mostly sweet with a few nuts..

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.

They told me I was gullible. I believed them.

Of course I'm in shape. Isn't Round a shape?

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Protect your bagels, put lox on them.

Free advice costs nothing until you act upon it.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.

The tasks and chores that get rewarded, get done first.

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

If you want to get along, go along.

It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.