THE SHIDDUCH CHECKLIST by Toby Lieder
"WHAT EVERY GIRL AND BOY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEETING THEIR ZIVUG" "WHAT EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW, ABOUT PREPARING THEIR CHILD'S SHIDDUCH"
Follow me on a journey that will hopefully inspire you, to think & feel more confidently, when embarking on the 'shidduch' scene. Generations ago, the shidduch scene was totally different then it is today. Women looked for a Talmid Chochom, a good provider, a strong man. Men looked for a warm and nurturing woman, a real Aishes Chayil that would raise their kids with the warmth of Torah and love of yiddishkiet. Today, our new challenge is, to not only find the above, but to look for our 'soul mate'. Not just a 'provider' or 'real aishes chayil', but someone that 'has it all'. Or so it seems.
We are looking for a partner in marriage, that can fulfill our emotional, spiritual and physical needs, with good communication skills, be able to be kind and loving and also maintain a long lasting and beautiful relationship. One thing is for sure, we must always remember that no matter what, HASHEM IS IN CHARGE! And that
"ALL MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN".
Hashem organized your shidduch a long long time ago, before you were even born. So the 'other half' is there! And Hashem has His wondrous ways. But I believe that we have to give a finger in order for Him to give us a hand. We have to do our part. We have to make a vessel, for Hashem's blessings to come alive. We all get there at the end. Everyone has their journey. Thank G-d for yours. So this journey I am taking you on, is just a collection of my personal experiences over the years in my encounters with helping people find their 'basherte'.
To the young men and women going out on the SHIDDDUCH SCENE, and to all of us parents of these young innocent boys and girls, I suggest the following ideas, as merely suggestions, that can possibly help make the journey a lot more pleasant. Firstly, take the time to think. Think aloud, with a close friend, mashpiah, or parent. Think of ALL the qualities you would love to have in your soul mate. Write them all down. We call this 'brainstorming'. Afterwards, select from the list of 45 qualities, only a few, (say 5 non-negotiable) that are of most importance to YOU. To 'you', as a person, not what's most important for your friends or parents to be proud of, but what "YOU" consider 'most' important.
Once you have figured out what you feel are the most desired 45 qualities, then ask yourself if you are able to possibly compromise on any of these 45 qualities. You will actually start to illiminate one at a time, as you can see clearly what is possible to let go, and what you absolutely cannot live without. This is simply a guide to enable you to THINK. It is meant for you to think of what qualities may be most important to you. What you value most.
As you read through the suggestions, have in mind the next time you are going out on a date, to look out for YOUR MOST IMPORTANT 5 MAJORS.
One of the ways, you can 'check' it out, is by talking about those qualities in discussion, through examples or stories, and listen out for the other one's REACTION. Listen out for cues, if they are yawning or turning in different directions, or are they actively involved in your conversation! If something is SO VERY IMPORTANT to you, and as you talk about it, the other one is enthusiastically involved, and even building on the subject, and there are good 'vibes' throughout the conversations, there is a mutual excitement on this subject, then you know you are talking the same language, you are onto something good. But if there is any STATIC whatsoever when you relate what is so important to you, and there is constant interference, like opposing point of views, yawning, or looking at their watch, be careful, that we are now talking about what is dearest to your heart, so it is up to you to decide if you want to live with somebody that has opposing point of views, or is not so interested about those things dearest to you!
"WHAT EVERY GIRL AND BOY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEETING THEIR ZIVUG" "WHAT EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW, ABOUT PREPARING THEIR CHILD'S SHIDDUCH"
Follow me on a journey that will hopefully inspire you, to think & feel more confidently, when embarking on the 'shidduch' scene. Generations ago, the shidduch scene was totally different then it is today. Women looked for a Talmid Chochom, a good provider, a strong man. Men looked for a warm and nurturing woman, a real Aishes Chayil that would raise their kids with the warmth of Torah and love of yiddishkiet. Today, our new challenge is, to not only find the above, but to look for our 'soul mate'. Not just a 'provider' or 'real aishes chayil', but someone that 'has it all'. Or so it seems.
We are looking for a partner in marriage, that can fulfill our emotional, spiritual and physical needs, with good communication skills, be able to be kind and loving and also maintain a long lasting and beautiful relationship. One thing is for sure, we must always remember that no matter what, HASHEM IS IN CHARGE! And that
"ALL MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN".
Hashem organized your shidduch a long long time ago, before you were even born. So the 'other half' is there! And Hashem has His wondrous ways. But I believe that we have to give a finger in order for Him to give us a hand. We have to do our part. We have to make a vessel, for Hashem's blessings to come alive. We all get there at the end. Everyone has their journey. Thank G-d for yours. So this journey I am taking you on, is just a collection of my personal experiences over the years in my encounters with helping people find their 'basherte'.
To the young men and women going out on the SHIDDDUCH SCENE, and to all of us parents of these young innocent boys and girls, I suggest the following ideas, as merely suggestions, that can possibly help make the journey a lot more pleasant. Firstly, take the time to think. Think aloud, with a close friend, mashpiah, or parent. Think of ALL the qualities you would love to have in your soul mate. Write them all down. We call this 'brainstorming'. Afterwards, select from the list of 45 qualities, only a few, (say 5 non-negotiable) that are of most importance to YOU. To 'you', as a person, not what's most important for your friends or parents to be proud of, but what "YOU" consider 'most' important.
Once you have figured out what you feel are the most desired 45 qualities, then ask yourself if you are able to possibly compromise on any of these 45 qualities. You will actually start to illiminate one at a time, as you can see clearly what is possible to let go, and what you absolutely cannot live without. This is simply a guide to enable you to THINK. It is meant for you to think of what qualities may be most important to you. What you value most.
As you read through the suggestions, have in mind the next time you are going out on a date, to look out for YOUR MOST IMPORTANT 5 MAJORS.
One of the ways, you can 'check' it out, is by talking about those qualities in discussion, through examples or stories, and listen out for the other one's REACTION. Listen out for cues, if they are yawning or turning in different directions, or are they actively involved in your conversation! If something is SO VERY IMPORTANT to you, and as you talk about it, the other one is enthusiastically involved, and even building on the subject, and there are good 'vibes' throughout the conversations, there is a mutual excitement on this subject, then you know you are talking the same language, you are onto something good. But if there is any STATIC whatsoever when you relate what is so important to you, and there is constant interference, like opposing point of views, yawning, or looking at their watch, be careful, that we are now talking about what is dearest to your heart, so it is up to you to decide if you want to live with somebody that has opposing point of views, or is not so interested about those things dearest to you!
See my point? Dreams can be shattered by misunderstandings, or simple communication breakdown. It is usually EXPECTATIONS, that break up the sholom bayis. He expected this and that, she expected him to be or do, this n that. "Did you guys talk about these issues before, or merely 'expected' them to happen?!!!!!!
Here is a list of possible choices to look at, in order to help you 'PRIORITISE' your VALUES. To help you select what YOU personally desire, and hold way up high as a priority, hopefully to be found in your partner so you get the best possible, loving, understanding, warm, and peaceful, relationship! Remember you cant get 'em all!! Here's the 5 million dollar question:
Ask yourself this question after completing your 5 majors list:
"AM 'I' THE KINDA PERSON THAT I'D LIKE TO MEET????????
********* SHIDDUCH CHECK LIST ************
1. EMOTIONALLY STABLE:
Are they well balanced? Do they have a lot of emotional luggage? What was their upbringing like? What sort of a mother did they have? What sort of a role model was their father? Was there sholom bayis in their home? Were they brought up very narrow mindedly, or open minded? Are they in touch with their feelings? Can they 'express' themselves, to others?
2.HONESTY AND SINCERITY:
Are they sincere? Are they straightforward and honest. Or is there a hidden agenda, and you don't really know their intentions? Are they for REAL? Some people, do things, so others should take notice... others do it, L'SHAIM shomayim!, Lshma.
3.SHLICHUS:
Are they interested to go out on shlichus. Do they intend to 100% and see it as their potential future? Or is shlichus a possibility, if they happen to find the right opportunity? How important is going out and dedicating their life, totally to others', say like on shlichus, which involves, a lot of 'self sacrifice'. They may not be home a lot because of the Shlichus. Where do they want to see themselves in the future?
4. SENSE OF HUMOR:
Are they more serious, or more chilled about life. Some people have a great sense of humor, and can laugh off problems, they tend to see the humour in everything, which gives a 'lift' to the seriousness that life holds for us.Others, take everything so seriously, sometimes too much. Does this person carry a 'healthy' sense of humor?
5. TEMPERMENT:
What is this person's temper like? Do they keep it all in? Do they talk things out? Do they have panic attacks? Do they 'blow up' at every thing? How easily do they loose their temper? AND WHAT 'DO THEY DO' WHEN THEY 'LOOSE IT'????? Are they able to say " nisht g'ferlach" easily? Or, "its all meant to be for the good?" Can you see yourself live with someone that blows their lid quite easily, quite often? Do you mind a screamer?
6. GROWING:
Is this person one that enjoys a good book? Do they get excited when they hear a new 'vort'? Do they look at making hachlotos, every now and then, because they are constantly on the 'growth'. They are never satisfied with where they're at, they are eager to 'be more', or get 'better at'...I mean spiritually, as well as emotionally. Are they fixed in their ways, or open to change?
7. RESPECT:
Does this person respect everyone equally? Are they continually putting people into 'boxes', or 'labelling' them, discriminating people as a habit? Or are they Melamed Zechus, people, and situations, easily, without jumping to conclusions? You know those kinda people that will shake hands with 'anybody'? Or not discriminate who they bring home for lunch. Do they carry a sense of respect for goyim as well? Like in shops etc? Do they respect little kids, or just walk away when a kid is crying?
8. OPENMINDED:
Is this person more or less open minded, or stuck in their own ways. I mean really, FLEXIBLE. Are they easy to see another person's point a view? Are they stubborn, to insist on only their point a view? Is this person peace-oriented? Are they able to easily say, "Lets agree to disagree"?
9. LEARNING:
Is this person studious? Do they learn for the sake of getting by with, or have a true interest in their studies? Do they pick up a book to further their interests in knowledge, or have an interest, in local shiurim, or inspiring talks ,farbrengens?
10. STREET SMART:
Are they equipped with a good sense of 'common sense' (which is not so common!).? How street smart are they?
11. POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE MINDED:
Some people always see the good in every situation. They say "its hashgocha protis", or "big deal", a lot of the time. They are able to let go of things and see the positive in all or most situations. What type is this person? Do they 'kvetch' all the time? Is everything 'hard' for them to do? Do they take risks? Do they complain about everything and everyone?
What is this person's temper like? Do they keep it all in? Do they talk things out? Do they have panic attacks? Do they 'blow up' at every thing? How easily do they loose their temper? AND WHAT 'DO THEY DO' WHEN THEY 'LOOSE IT'????? Are they able to say " nisht g'ferlach" easily? Or, "its all meant to be for the good?" Can you see yourself live with someone that blows their lid quite easily, quite often? Do you mind a screamer?
6. GROWING:
Is this person one that enjoys a good book? Do they get excited when they hear a new 'vort'? Do they look at making hachlotos, every now and then, because they are constantly on the 'growth'. They are never satisfied with where they're at, they are eager to 'be more', or get 'better at'...I mean spiritually, as well as emotionally. Are they fixed in their ways, or open to change?
7. RESPECT:
Does this person respect everyone equally? Are they continually putting people into 'boxes', or 'labelling' them, discriminating people as a habit? Or are they Melamed Zechus, people, and situations, easily, without jumping to conclusions? You know those kinda people that will shake hands with 'anybody'? Or not discriminate who they bring home for lunch. Do they carry a sense of respect for goyim as well? Like in shops etc? Do they respect little kids, or just walk away when a kid is crying?
8. OPENMINDED:
Is this person more or less open minded, or stuck in their own ways. I mean really, FLEXIBLE. Are they easy to see another person's point a view? Are they stubborn, to insist on only their point a view? Is this person peace-oriented? Are they able to easily say, "Lets agree to disagree"?
9. LEARNING:
Is this person studious? Do they learn for the sake of getting by with, or have a true interest in their studies? Do they pick up a book to further their interests in knowledge, or have an interest, in local shiurim, or inspiring talks ,farbrengens?
10. STREET SMART:
Are they equipped with a good sense of 'common sense' (which is not so common!).? How street smart are they?
11. POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE MINDED:
Some people always see the good in every situation. They say "its hashgocha protis", or "big deal", a lot of the time. They are able to let go of things and see the positive in all or most situations. What type is this person? Do they 'kvetch' all the time? Is everything 'hard' for them to do? Do they take risks? Do they complain about everything and everyone?
12. CHASSIDISHKIET, YIDDISHKIET:
What is their 'yiddishkiet' like? How do they behave, inwards and outwards? How does 'chassidishkiet' play a role in their life? What is their connection to the Rebbe? How serious do they follow the Rebbe? How much do they make the Rebbe part of their lives? Do they have Yiras Shomayim?
13. PERSONALITY:
Do they have a 'spark', a creative side to their personality? Are they quiet and reserved, too hard to 'get into'? Are they lively and full of life? Are they more serious, but have a tremendous amount of 'toichen'? What type a personality do they have? Are they a more sociable type, or rather stay at home type? Introvert, or extrovert?
14. CHARACTER:
Are they kind, by nature? Are they soft and gentle? Are they generous? Are they the type that looks how to help others, or are they more 'self centred'? Are they 'sensitive' to other peoples needs? or do they 'pretend' they didn't 'notice' it. Do they have a generous nature or a more stingy nature?
15. RESPONSIBLE:
Can you give them tasks to perform, and know that it'll get done? Are they 'dependable'? Would you entrust this person with major responsibilities? Do they keep to 'seder' well? What successful projects have they done & were responsible for?
16. ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:
Are they 'sloppy'? Are they neat n tidy? Can they set up a home? Run a business? Can they organize events? Are they a leader or a follower? Do they make things happen or watch things happen? Or don’t even know that something happened?
17. FAMILY ORIENTED:
Does this person come from a secure well balanced family oriented warm environment? Do they love family-stuff? Like, is family important to them? Do they talk much about their family? What is their relationship with their 'mother'? Do they speak highly of her? What about the father? How do they respect him? What sort of a size family would they want if given a choice? Large or small? Are they a 'stay at home parent' or more of a 'go getter'?
18. NATURE:
Are they the relaxed type by nature, or always on the go, type? Can they sit back, relax and spend time with little kids and enjoy their company? Or do they get nervous around kids? Are they a 'good listener'? Are they really listening to you when you talk? Do they have patience to hear you out, or are they too busy, or looking at their watch?
19. QUALITY:
Do they go for a higher good quality life? Or are they very happy living with the bare
What is their 'yiddishkiet' like? How do they behave, inwards and outwards? How does 'chassidishkiet' play a role in their life? What is their connection to the Rebbe? How serious do they follow the Rebbe? How much do they make the Rebbe part of their lives? Do they have Yiras Shomayim?
13. PERSONALITY:
Do they have a 'spark', a creative side to their personality? Are they quiet and reserved, too hard to 'get into'? Are they lively and full of life? Are they more serious, but have a tremendous amount of 'toichen'? What type a personality do they have? Are they a more sociable type, or rather stay at home type? Introvert, or extrovert?
14. CHARACTER:
Are they kind, by nature? Are they soft and gentle? Are they generous? Are they the type that looks how to help others, or are they more 'self centred'? Are they 'sensitive' to other peoples needs? or do they 'pretend' they didn't 'notice' it. Do they have a generous nature or a more stingy nature?
15. RESPONSIBLE:
Can you give them tasks to perform, and know that it'll get done? Are they 'dependable'? Would you entrust this person with major responsibilities? Do they keep to 'seder' well? What successful projects have they done & were responsible for?
16. ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:
Are they 'sloppy'? Are they neat n tidy? Can they set up a home? Run a business? Can they organize events? Are they a leader or a follower? Do they make things happen or watch things happen? Or don’t even know that something happened?
17. FAMILY ORIENTED:
Does this person come from a secure well balanced family oriented warm environment? Do they love family-stuff? Like, is family important to them? Do they talk much about their family? What is their relationship with their 'mother'? Do they speak highly of her? What about the father? How do they respect him? What sort of a size family would they want if given a choice? Large or small? Are they a 'stay at home parent' or more of a 'go getter'?
18. NATURE:
Are they the relaxed type by nature, or always on the go, type? Can they sit back, relax and spend time with little kids and enjoy their company? Or do they get nervous around kids? Are they a 'good listener'? Are they really listening to you when you talk? Do they have patience to hear you out, or are they too busy, or looking at their watch?
19. QUALITY:
Do they go for a higher good quality life? Or are they very happy living with the bare
minimal? How do they dress? Are they 'baalabatish? Or Didn’t look in the mirror type?
20. CONFIDENCE:
Do they have a good sense of self-esteem? What is their confidence like? Are they always worried that what they do is not good enough? Do they set goals, and carry them out? Do they believe in themselves, or are they always put themselves down? Are they shy and reserved? Can they talk to anyone about anything type?
21. HEALTH:
What is their family's state of health? Is there anything we should be aware of? For the sake of all parties involved, is there anything that you heard that would be important for us to know?
23. PUT- TOGETHER:
Is this person, a self-disciplined type? Are they put-together, they know where they're going, they don't just go with the flow? Do they carry a good sense of 'purpose', with them each day. Are they the type that would not 'waste' a moment type? There are others, that take life as it hits them...take it easy type, like, no particular agenda.
24. MASHPIAH:
Are they the type that people would look up to them for advise? Or do they shy away, from being asked their opinion? Would they 'have' a mashpiah? Or do they have too much of an ego to ask for advise? What position do you see them in?
25. SPARE TIME, HOBBIES:
What do they do when they have some 'spare' time?
Who do they hang out with, when they want to just, hang around? Where do they go to socialise? What are their talents, and interests. When they make time for leisure, or vacations, what is their sense of a good vacation?
26. STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:
What would you say are their strengths and weaknesses? Everybody has both, otherwise we'd all be angels! So what are theirs? Like if they had to make a hachlota what would they improve on? What are they best at?What shines the most, when you think of this person?
27. LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
Remember that nobody has it all. So if you had to choose 5 most important qualities that this person stands out for what would they be?
20. CONFIDENCE:
Do they have a good sense of self-esteem? What is their confidence like? Are they always worried that what they do is not good enough? Do they set goals, and carry them out? Do they believe in themselves, or are they always put themselves down? Are they shy and reserved? Can they talk to anyone about anything type?
21. HEALTH:
What is their family's state of health? Is there anything we should be aware of? For the sake of all parties involved, is there anything that you heard that would be important for us to know?
23. PUT- TOGETHER:
Is this person, a self-disciplined type? Are they put-together, they know where they're going, they don't just go with the flow? Do they carry a good sense of 'purpose', with them each day. Are they the type that would not 'waste' a moment type? There are others, that take life as it hits them...take it easy type, like, no particular agenda.
24. MASHPIAH:
Are they the type that people would look up to them for advise? Or do they shy away, from being asked their opinion? Would they 'have' a mashpiah? Or do they have too much of an ego to ask for advise? What position do you see them in?
25. SPARE TIME, HOBBIES:
What do they do when they have some 'spare' time?
Who do they hang out with, when they want to just, hang around? Where do they go to socialise? What are their talents, and interests. When they make time for leisure, or vacations, what is their sense of a good vacation?
26. STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:
What would you say are their strengths and weaknesses? Everybody has both, otherwise we'd all be angels! So what are theirs? Like if they had to make a hachlota what would they improve on? What are they best at?What shines the most, when you think of this person?
27. LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
Remember that nobody has it all. So if you had to choose 5 most important qualities that this person stands out for what would they be?
1. Emotional stability/Family: Does this person come from a well rounded, secure,
warm family environment? What kind of role model is his/her mother and father? Do they
speak highly of them? What was the Sholom Bayis like in their home? Is family important
to them? What sort of an environment/value system do they anticipate for the future-,
which they received from family or friends? Are they narrow minded or open-minded
views and values? Do they value unimportant (to you, at least!) and materialistic things,
or do they realise the quality of life, friends and family?
2. Chassidishkeit/Yiddishkeit: Where is their yiddishkeit up to? How do they
behave privately and publicly? Do they keep the Halochos and standards of the Shulchan Aruch? Lifnim Meshuras Hadin? How does chassidishkeit play a role in their lives? What is their connection to the Rebbe? Do they keep the standards the Rebbe set for us? Spiritually, as well as emotionally, are they looking for growth, new hachlotos... Do they get excited by a good vort? Do they learn? Do they have interest in local shiurim, farbrengens, etc? Do they have a Mashpia, to whom they look for advice and opinions? Do they look up to someone, or do they shy away from it for any reason?
3. Character: What is their main character traits? Are they kind and giving, tough and strong, soft and gentle, patient and good listener? Are they sensitive to other people's needs, or would they rather pretend they don't notice the need? Self centred? Are they open-minded and peace oriented and not insists on their own point-of-view?
4. Responsible: Are they responsible in the way that you can give them tasks to perform and be confident that it will get done? Are they dependable with the important things in life? Are they responsible and organized, both with different tasks and their everyday lives- like seder, punctuality, money?
5. Confidence: Do they have a healthy, vibrant self esteem, or are they always worried that what they do is not good enough? Do they believe in themselves, or are they busy putting themselves down? Do they know where they are headed- a sense of purpose and confidence... Not a time waster, or would they rather take life as it hits them, no particular agenda (though sometimes having no particular agenda is a very good, healthy thing).
6. Health: What is their family's state of health presently? Is there anything that occurred in the past (to him/her or a family member) that you should be aware of? Did he/she go through anything traumatic, even unrelated to health? For the sake of all parties involved, is there anything that you heard that would be important for us to know or find out about?
7. Sense of humor: Are they more serious with a tremendous amount of
toichen, or are they more jokey about life? Some people can see the humor in almost everything that gives a "lift" to the seriousness that life holds for us- not overly happy causing things to fall apart. Some may take things too seriously. Does this person carry a healthy sense of humor?
2. Chassidishkeit/Yiddishkeit: Where is their yiddishkeit up to? How do they
behave privately and publicly? Do they keep the Halochos and standards of the Shulchan Aruch? Lifnim Meshuras Hadin? How does chassidishkeit play a role in their lives? What is their connection to the Rebbe? Do they keep the standards the Rebbe set for us? Spiritually, as well as emotionally, are they looking for growth, new hachlotos... Do they get excited by a good vort? Do they learn? Do they have interest in local shiurim, farbrengens, etc? Do they have a Mashpia, to whom they look for advice and opinions? Do they look up to someone, or do they shy away from it for any reason?
3. Character: What is their main character traits? Are they kind and giving, tough and strong, soft and gentle, patient and good listener? Are they sensitive to other people's needs, or would they rather pretend they don't notice the need? Self centred? Are they open-minded and peace oriented and not insists on their own point-of-view?
4. Responsible: Are they responsible in the way that you can give them tasks to perform and be confident that it will get done? Are they dependable with the important things in life? Are they responsible and organized, both with different tasks and their everyday lives- like seder, punctuality, money?
5. Confidence: Do they have a healthy, vibrant self esteem, or are they always worried that what they do is not good enough? Do they believe in themselves, or are they busy putting themselves down? Do they know where they are headed- a sense of purpose and confidence... Not a time waster, or would they rather take life as it hits them, no particular agenda (though sometimes having no particular agenda is a very good, healthy thing).
6. Health: What is their family's state of health presently? Is there anything that occurred in the past (to him/her or a family member) that you should be aware of? Did he/she go through anything traumatic, even unrelated to health? For the sake of all parties involved, is there anything that you heard that would be important for us to know or find out about?
7. Sense of humor: Are they more serious with a tremendous amount of
toichen, or are they more jokey about life? Some people can see the humor in almost everything that gives a "lift" to the seriousness that life holds for us- not overly happy causing things to fall apart. Some may take things too seriously. Does this person carry a healthy sense of humor?
8. Shlichus: Are they interested in going out on shlichus? Do they see it one hundred
percent as their potential future? Is shlichus just a possibility if they happen to come
upon the right opportunity? How important is it to dedicate their lives to others? (Even not
on shlichus- how important is it for them to have Shabbos guests, an open home, a large
family?
9. Socially: Are they sincere and honest with people, or is there always, or sometimes, a hidden agenda and you can't really ever know their true intentions? Do they get along with most people, or do others easily irritate them? Does the irritation express itself openly? If/when it does, HOW is it expressed? Tantrums, shyness, coldness, anger, violence, etc. Do they respect others and are they melamed z'chus, or (even unintentionally) do they label or discriminate against others? Do they respect Goyim, little kids..? How do they interact with them? Do they have tact and common sense? Are they street smart?
10. Spare time/Hobbies: What do they do when they have spare time? With whom and where do they just hang out and socialise? What are their talents and interests? Do they make time for leisure and vacations and what is their definition of leisure time well spent and a good vacation?
What are their strengths and weaknesses? Which strengths shine out most and are they the ones you appreciate? Which weaknesses shine out most and are they the ones you dislike or can easily overlook? Remember that nobody is perfect, so if you had to choose three or four most important qualities that this person possesses, which would they be?
Are you all of those qualities? Try and be the kind of person you want to meet!!!
9. Socially: Are they sincere and honest with people, or is there always, or sometimes, a hidden agenda and you can't really ever know their true intentions? Do they get along with most people, or do others easily irritate them? Does the irritation express itself openly? If/when it does, HOW is it expressed? Tantrums, shyness, coldness, anger, violence, etc. Do they respect others and are they melamed z'chus, or (even unintentionally) do they label or discriminate against others? Do they respect Goyim, little kids..? How do they interact with them? Do they have tact and common sense? Are they street smart?
10. Spare time/Hobbies: What do they do when they have spare time? With whom and where do they just hang out and socialise? What are their talents and interests? Do they make time for leisure and vacations and what is their definition of leisure time well spent and a good vacation?
What are their strengths and weaknesses? Which strengths shine out most and are they the ones you appreciate? Which weaknesses shine out most and are they the ones you dislike or can easily overlook? Remember that nobody is perfect, so if you had to choose three or four most important qualities that this person possesses, which would they be?
Are you all of those qualities? Try and be the kind of person you want to meet!!!
SHIDDUCH
CHECK LIST
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