Once Upon A Time! Parenting Secrets
You used to have a clean house, clean clothes and clean hair.
Then you had children.
Your standards gradually slipped lower and lower and before you know it you are eating the remains of a rice cake off the floor to avoid having to walk to the bin. Not because you are lazy; but because some days, you are just too tired to care.
Here are a few dirty secrets that only a tired parent will understand:
1. When I am vacuuming, I will stamp on an old biscuit to make it fit up the hoover pipe instead of picking it up.
2. I have thrown away dirty saucepans because I can’t face scrubbing them.
3. I have told my kids the DVD player is broken so I don’t have to put one on for them. If it is not on the Sky planner, they are not watching it.
4. I have put the same wash on six times because I am too tired to hang it out.
5. I have thrown out baby clothes after a nappy leak rather than clean them.
6. I have watched the ‘no signal’ sign bobbing about the screen for hours because I can’t reach the remote control.
7. I have also watched the blue screen on the CBeebies channel at night for the same reason.
8. I have taken alternate bites of bread and cheese because making a sandwich is too much effort.
9. I have put dirty plates in the dishwasher with some clean stuff because I can’t be bothered to unload it.
10. If a child wees on the settee I sometimes just throw a towel over it until it dries.
11. I never wash my bras. Ever.
12. I will tell my partner I am popping out for milk then sit in the car park outside the supermarket for half an hour enjoying the peace.
13. I rarely hang up clean clothes. My washing basket is my wardrobe.
Mother at sink smiling at child
Washing up? It’s easier to throw it away (Picture: Getty)
14. I will spend half an hour rearranging the dishwasher so I don’t have to wash up the one cup that won’t fit.
15. I never answer the phone because conversations are way too much effort.
16. I have had a dirty children’s sock on my kitchen sideboard for three weeks.
17. Batteries never get replaced. Especially, if you need a screwdriver to open the battery compartment.
18. We often just sit in the dark rather than replace light bulbs.
19. I will use any suitable substitute I can find when I run out of toilet roll to avoid a trip to the shop. Kitchen roll, baby wipes, the cardboard inner tube, sanitary towels, cotton wool or bread!!
20. I once covered a plate with foil so I could use it again rather than wash it up.
21. I only properly clean the house when I have people coming to visit.
