The 5 Majors By Toby Lieder

All     Marriages are Made in Heaven

Hashem organized your shidduch a long long time ago, before you were even born. So the 'other half' is there! And Hashem has His wondrous ways. But I believe that we have to give a finger in order for Him to give us a hand. We have to do our part. We have to make a vessel, for Hashem's blessings to come alive. We all get there at the end. Everyone has their journey. Thank G-d for yours. So this journey I am taking you on, is just a collection of my personal experiences over the years in my encounters with helping people find their 'basherte'.  

To the young men and women going out on the SHIDDDUCH SCENE, and to all of us parents of these young innocent boys and girls, I suggest the following ideas, as merely suggestions, that can possibly help make the journey a lot more pleasant. Firstly, take the time to think. Think aloud, with a close friend, mashpiah, or parent. Think of ALL the qualities you would love to have in your soul mate. Write them all down. We call this 'brainstorming'. Afterwards, select from the list of 45 qualities, only a few, (say 5 non-negotiable) that are of most importance to YOU. To 'you', as a person, not what's most important for your friends or parents to be proud of, but what "YOU" consider 'most' important. 

Once you have figured out what you feel are the most desired 45 qualities, then ask yourself if you are able to possibly compromise on any of these 45 qualities. You will actually start to eliminate one at a time, as you can see clearly what is possible to let go, and what you absolutely cannot live without. This is simply a guide to enable you to THINK. It is meant for you to think of what qualities may be most important to you. What you value most.

As you read through the suggestions, have in mind the next time you are going out on a date, to look out for YOUR MOST IMPORTANT 5 MAJORS.  

One of the ways, you can 'check' it out, is by talking about those qualities in discussion, through examples or stories, and listen out for the other one's REACTION. Listen out for cues,  are they yawning or turning in different directions, or are they actively involved in your conversation! If something is SO VERY IMPORTANT to you, and as you talk about it, the other one is enthusiastically involved, and even building on the subject, and there are good 'vibes' throughout the conversations, there is a mutual excitement on this subject, then you know you are talking the same language, you are onto something good. But if there is any STATIC whatsoever when you relate what is so important to you, and there is constant interference, like opposing point of views, yawning, or looking at their watch, be careful, that we are now talking about what is dearest to your heart, so it is up to you to decide if you want to live with somebody that has opposing point of views, or is not so interested about those things dearest to you!  

See my point? Dreams can be shattered by misunderstandings, or simple communication breakdown. It is usually EXPECTATIONS, that break up the sholom bayis. He expected this and that, she expected him to be or do, this 'n that. "Did you guys talk about these issues before, or merely 'expected' them to happen?!!!