Wednesday, 8 January 2020


                                            TOBY LIEDER

Downsize your list to 5 deal breakers.
Before and after each date check in as a point of reference if they qualify.
PERSPECTIVE:  In the future when small nuisances play out, we can focus on these 5 deal breakers, the reasons why we married them in the first place, these 5 core valuesthus putting things back into perspective.
It is extremely important to select the right references on your profile, that know you personally, representing you honestly and accurately. Too many shidduchim fall through because not enough attention was given to selecting the right references. Make certain the profile is professional looking enough as if your applying for a job interview.
The good old-fashioned way, keep the Shadchan in the loop as much as possible. I have unfortunately seen potential shidduchim that broke up, because the Shadchan was let go!
ENCOURAGEMENT: A bochur once told me he deposits $100 every time a Shadchan gets him a date. Just a tip. He said it is an acknowledgement for the hard work Shadchonim do into helping him. This gesture helps motivate Shadchonim to want to work with you. A box of chocolates or thank you card can go a long way too.
FEE: It is important to be upfront and agree on a fee before starting a Shidduch, so there is no misunderstanding.
NON JUDGEMENTALPay real serious attention, and listen to what your child is telling you what they really want. Make no judgements while having this conversation, and give them the right to date who they feel is right for them, not you. After all, if they’re mature enough to get married, they’re old enough to make their own decisions.
WHATSAPP BLAST:   Send out a WhatsApp blast to only close friends and family that care, with a short introduction saying “Please would you be so kind to stop for one minute and think of a suitable match for my child. Attached is their resume.” Quite a few successful Shidduchim came from this idea. 
You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Dress your finest clothes for your date. Be rested up. Consider taking off an hour, as to prevent being exhausted. In perspective, this is the time that you will decide upon your future spouse! What can be more important ? 
P.S. Guys, please make sure the car smells fresh and clean and is presentable..
7.     THE DATE
TIME:  It is recommended to start out earlier than later on a date, to avoid unnecessary fatigue and inability to focus clearly on what is to be the most important decision-making time of life!
Keep dates to  3-4 hours max. This helps prevent burn-out and exhaustion. 
8.     TEXTING
Too many shidduchim fell apart because of misinterpreting the others' texts. It is highly recommended to avoid any texting at all during dating and engagement, preventing unintentional break-ups, and hearts broken. Let us go back to the good oldays of THE SHADCHAN delivering all the necessary messages, as needed.
Think out of the box:  Allow yourself to be surprised to reconsider dating someone you once dated a long time ago.I know of many successful Shidduchim that resulted from revisiting a previous suggestion that was once dismissed. 
HASHEM:  The Gemara says, if one prays for another person that which he himself needs, Hashem will answer his prayers first. Pray for friends and family who are also in need of a shidduch. Remember every rejection is Hashems protection. Hashem is running the world precisely the way it is mean to be, everything in the right time.
About Toby
Toby Lieder, mother of 14
Teacher and mentor
Shadchan for over 40 years
Coaching all singles for dating and marriage
World renown motivational speaker; Dating, Parenting, Relationships.
Dating Coach
Toby’s coaching will help you identify your blind spotsblockages, and more importantly, prepare you for dating. Toby will pick you brain, explore you core values, challenge you to think deep, and help you create your own list of 5 NON-NEGOTIABLE'S.
BENEFITS:  Gain clarity, perspective, and confidence, enabling you to easily see if a candidate actually qualifies. 
Instagram @tobydatingcoach
WhatssApp and Phone +61470173916

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