RABBI YAAKOV LIEDERS ARTICLES!
Friday, 10 July 2015
Compliment Our Children
TIME TO REMEMBER TO COMPLIMENT
OUR CHILDREN bh
1. Compliment their character. We live in a world
where integrity is neither consistently taught nor widely expected. When our
children demonstrate honesty, kindness, trustworthiness and reliability,
that’s a great time to take them aside and offer a sincere compliment.
The ABC’s of Good Character
2. Compliment obedience and respect. It’s too
easy to fall into patterns of disapproval, where the only time we notice is when
kids do wrong. Rather than waiting for disobedience or disrespect (then coming
down like a ton of bricks) try noticing obedience and respect: “I don’t always
remember to tell you, but you are an awesome young man, and I appreciate the
way you treat your mother”.
3. Compliment them for simply being part of the
family. “Every time I see you, I’m thankful that I’m your Mom.” Kids need to
understand that they are valued simply because they are.
Family Mission Statement
4. Compliment contributions to the family.
“Clearing the table (sweeping the porch… putting out the trash) makes a real
difference. I appreciate your contribution.” Kids need to understand that what
they do makes a difference, that the adults notice, and that pitching in is a
good part of family life.
5. Compliment the quality of their work. “This is
one clean porch, mister!” “You mowed the lawn right up to the edge. Way to go!
I’m so glad you take this job so seriously, it shows.” Doing a job at a high
standard is always worth noting.
Reward Jar Coupons
6. Compliment the effort, even when the result is
not the best. “Your willingness to help makes me happy! Now we need to take a
look at how you can get the trash to the curb without leaving a trail!”
Compliments can be an important part of our role as teachers.
Phrases for Praises
7. Compliment when they achieve something new.
“Wow! That’s a huge leap forward for you there in math, pal.” “Awesome! I’m not
at all surprised after you worked so hard.” A well-placed compliment can keep a
positive ball rolling.
8. Compliment their sense of style even if we
don’t exactly share their taste. We don’t want to force our kids into being
clones of us. “When it comes to putting together an outfit, you certainly have
some flair!” “I can tell that you put a lot of thought into the way you look.”
“I’ve never seen a table set quite like that before – you have an amazing
imagination!” It’s not useful to limit compliments to the narrow range of our
own taste.
Do You Accept Your Child for Who They Are?
9. Compliment steps toward a long-term goal.
“Son, the improvement you’re showing is commendable. Thanks for trying.”
Waiting for perfection before we’re willing to dish out a compliment is
inefficient, may dampen enthusiasm, and does little to help the process of
growth.
Progress Road Map
10. Compliment their friends. But only do this
when you can do it honestly! “Your friends are the greatest!” “That Jake is
such a good kid.” “You know, it gives me a lot of confidence to know you use
common sense in choosing your friends.
Shared by, Toby Lieder
What A Story
WHAT A STORY!!!! TEARJERKER
The brand new Rabbi and his wife were newly assigned to their first congregation to reopen a Shul in suburban Brooklyn. They arrived in early February excited about their opportunities. When they saw their Shul, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Erev Purim. They worked hard, repairing aged pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on 8th of the Adar (February 17th) they were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On February 19 a terrible snowstorm hit the area and lasted for two days. On the 21st, the Rabbi went over to the Shul. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the e front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The Rabbi cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Erev Purim service, headed home.
On the way home, he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory coloured, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colours and a Magen David embroidered right in the centre. It was just the right size to cover the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the Shul. By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The Rabbi invited her to wait in the warm Shul for the next bus 45 minutes later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the Rabbi while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The Rabbi could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.
Then the Rabbi noticed the woman walking down the centre aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Rabbi, "she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?" The Rabbi explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Poland. The woman could hardly believe it as the Rabbi told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth".
The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Poland. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to a camp and she never saw her husband or her home again. The Rabbi wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the Rabbi keep it for the Shul. The Rabbi insisted on driving her home. That was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.
What a wonderful service they had on Erev Purim. The Shul was almost full. The Service was great. At the end of the service, the Rabbi and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return. One older man, whom the Rabbi recognized from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the Rabbi wondered why he wasn't leaving. The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Poland before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike? He told the Rabbi how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a camp. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years between.
The Rabbi asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the Rabbi had taken the woman three days earlier. He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Erev Purim reunion he could ever imagine.
The above is a true story. “God” does work in mysterious ways!
Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent this to you:
"Hashem, bless all my friends and family in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day! May their lives be full of Your peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with You. Amen."
Now send it on to five other people,
including the one who sent it to you. Within hours five people have prayed for you and you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then, sit back and watch the power of Hashem work in your life.
PS: Five is good, but more is better. But only if you wish. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't send. GOD BLESS and GZNT.
MURRAY ROSENTHAL
DEERFIELD BEACH FL
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Keys To Happy People
keys to happy people
(Shared by toby lieder)
I found that when you start thinking and saying what you really want then your mind automatically shifts and pulls you in that direction. And sometimes it can be that simple, just a little twist in vocabulary that illustrates your attitude and philosophy. ~Jim Rohn
Why is it that even though we know negative thoughts will attract negative results, we can’t seem to find a way to make these thoughts stop?
The answer is quite simple – long term mind training.
Years and years of training were required in order for your mind to reach its current level. This is your work. And just as it was trained, it can also be untrained.
If you want to change your negative thoughts into positive thoughts, try this:
1. Make a commitment to yourself
I (name),
Promise myself to dedicate “THIS” moment (THIS moment is all we have and all we will ever have. When the next moment comes, it will be THIS moment) to purify my thoughts, mind and life.
Whenever a negative thought enters my mind, I promise not to judge it – not to resist it.
I will simply accept it, appreciate its presence and eventually let go of it.
I allow myself to become an expert in replacing the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I promise myself to become the most beautiful, positive and cheerful person that has ever lived on this planet.
I promise myself to enjoy life and stop taking myself so seriously.
2. Start with the end in mind
See in your mind’s eye the end result – see how much different your life would look if you changed the way you think. Feel the feelings that come from being a positive thinker. Feel the feelings of excitement, peace, joy and tranquility. Allow yourself to become one with those feelings.
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it. ~William Arthur Ward quotes
Let your imagination run wild, envision and feel your Ideal and Positive Self.
3. Fake it until you become it
Act as if you are already there, act as if you already are the happy, loving and joyful person you aspire to be and trust that by doing so you will eventually trick your mind into thinking that you are already there.
Check your posture, your facial expressions, the way you dress, the way you interact with others and make sure that you are acting as your Positive Self would.
Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world. I had to feel the exuberance that comes from utter confidence in yourself. Without it, you go down to defeat.
4. Face the ugly truth
You see, most of us have practiced a lifetime of resistance, suppression, negativity and polluted thinking and it’s not really that easy to go from negative to positive. It might seem like an easy job, but it’s not.
Each aspect within us needs understanding and compassion. If we are unwilling to give it to ourselves how can we expect the world to give it to us?
The amount of time it will take to become the positive thinker we dream ourselves to be can depend upon how many years of practice or “training” in negativity we have had – this is why we sometimes feel like we can’t control or stop our negative thoughts…
5. Presence is key
Work on staying present in the NOW (focusing on your breathing will help) and keeping your mind focused and centered to what is.
Leave the past behind you, stop waiting for the future to make you happy and be happy - here and now!
When you are playing your game right on time, in the present, you perform at your best. Why? Because in the present, there is no pressure. Pressure is created by anxieties about the future and remembered failures from the past.
6. Best friend yourself
Whenever you feel like you’re failing, I want you to start talking to yourself in the same way you would talk to a child – with love, compassion and encouragement.
I trust that by doing so, you will let go of the need to criticise and put yourself down, and instead you will learn to lift yourself up, higher and higher every time
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?
7. Don’t worry, be happy
Learn to live your life in a harmonious and loving way. Accept yourself for who you are in THIS moment, only in THIS moment (THIS moment is all we have and all we will ever have) and trust that things are exactly as they should be.
Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.
By doing these things and by taking good care of your heart, soul, body and mind, you will create the happiness you so much desire for yourself and for others.
Words Of Wisdom
WORDS OF WISDOM
1. Follow your heart
2. Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’llfall amongst stars
3. The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched they
must be felt with the heart!
must be felt with the heart!
4. Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize they were big things
5. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass its about dancing in the rain
6. Life always offers you a second chance its called tomorrow
7. Your best teacher is your last mistake
The most impt thing in life aren’t things
8. You have 3 choices in life give up, give in, or give it all you got!
9. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others on how you demand to be treated.
10. Your life is a result of the choices you make. If you don’t like your life, it is time to start making better choices!
11. Remember not getting what you want can sometimes be the best thing for you!
12. I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become!
13. Don’t worry about the past or the future, this moment needs your attention, for this is where life really exists
14. Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you!
15. The healthiest form of revenge is self-improvement!
16. If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done!
17. Don’t judge somebody just because they sin differently then you
18. If you don’t want anyone to find out then don’t do it!
19. The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it
20. Life is the most difficult exam; many people fail because they try to copy others. Not realising that everyone has a different question paper!
21. Hugging is a good medicine. It transfers energy and gives the person hugged an emotional lift.
22. Time heals almost everything. Give it time!
23. If your lucky enough to be different, don’t change
24. All that we are is the result of what we had thought
25. It is easier to build up a child then to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely
26. Nothing ever does away until it has taught us what we need to know
27. Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny
28. Be kind to unkind people they need it most
29. The purpose of life is to discover your gift, the meaning of life is to give your gift away
30. I don’t have time to hate the people who hate me, because I am busy loving people who love me
31. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today
32. We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are
33. Always be kinder then you feel
34. Sometimes when things are falling apart they are actually falling into place
35. Life is better when your laughing
36. Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace
37. Stop letting people who do so little for you, control much of your mind, feelings and emotions.
38. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending!
39. When you know what you want and you want it badly enough you will find a way to get it
40. 2 things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything
41. Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know
42. 4 things we cannot recover the stone, after the throw
the word, after it is said, the occasion after its missed, the time after its gone!
43. We don’t have to change the world, just change ourselves
44. Give without expectations, you will never be disappointed
45. Be loyal. Never repeat a word someone tells you
46. Say yes when ever possible. Seize the moment!
47. What can I do for you…rather, what can you do for me
48. You, and only you can decide how you feel, others cant boss u
49. Peace of mind comes from attitude, not change of circumstance
50. People are more important than things
51. Understand before being understood
52. See every problem as an opportunity
53. Be fascinated by other peoples uniqueness
54. Blamers concentrate on their problems, successful people concentrate on the solutions
55. Others respect us to the degree we respect ourselves
56. What gets praised gets repeated
57. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving
58. Extraordinary people get extraordinary results
59. Be future oriented, leave the past in the past. Only focus in the future, that’s where you will only be. “In the future, please…”
60. The world is like a mirror, smile and they will smile back
61. Plane has compass, most of time it is off track (turbulence) but most importantly it sticks to its goal, destination.
62. Tzip tzip the baby bird sets out to fetch food for herself
63. Scale of 1-10 when in doubt gives a number to it.
64. 2 birds playing Ping-Pong with each other. Positive reinforcement. By feeding birdseed each time do it right!
65. Mother huggers old age home every Monday morning @ 9:30.
66. It’s the small things that make a big difference! Stick-on notes
67. Sandwich criticisms. Preserve their self esteem, self image.
68. Black or pink sunglasses. Your choice how to look at the world
69. Traffic lights. Chaos. Rules give us freedom. Being free, chaos
70. Gps compares to our life. Recalculate; do teshuva, its ok.
100. Fold your arms like normal. Now refold them other way. Change is difficult. It takes 14 days to change a habit
101. Love and hate exercise. And bonus too.
102. Invest in books. Cheaper then therapy
103. Love yourself, it’s the greatest love of all
104. Give w/o expectations, you will never be disappointed
105. Be an empathetic listener. Really feel what the other is feeling
106. Be loyal to those who aren’t present
107. Be there for others especially in times of sorrow and times joy.
108. Seize the moments say “yes I can do it” when opportunity comes
109. Don’t talk slander or you wont be trusted
110. Listen to others without one interruption
111. Commitment: always follow through your words. Keep to your word
112. You are responsible for the way the world treats you
113. Pink elephant. Change the pictures. Mind over matter
Because I Said
B”H
Because I Said I Would
The power of a promise.
"What does high risk mean?" Garth asked. His oncologist looked him in the eye and answered. "It means you are going to die of this." Garth Callaghan was diagnosed with prostate cancer in November 2011. Since then he has also developed kidney cancer. Statistics say he has an 8% chance of living past five years. Ever since Garth's daughter, Emma, was in second grade, he has been making her lunches and writing a special note for her each day. At first the notes were easy phrases and little pictures that she could understand. But as she grew, Garth began to use the notes as a way to really encourage and connect with his daughter." I wanted her to have a strong sense of self. So I started to search out quotes and things that were positive. I was actually spending more time putting together her napkin than putting together her lunch. "After Garth's cancer diagnosis, the notes began to take on a new meaning. One day after a painful surgery, Callaghan came home to find his daughter ripping up one of his napkins. At first he thought that he had written something wrong, but then he realized that his daughter Emma was ripping off the quote to save in her notebook. Since then, she has been saving all of her father's notes
And that is when Garth decided that he would write 826 lunch notes in advance so that Emma will have one for every day of school until she graduates from high school. He doesn't know how much time he has left, but he is determined to finish these lunch bag legacies so that his daughter will always know how much he loves her. Some of the beautiful napkin notes: "Stand up for people and you will change the world." "Joy is portable, bring it with you." "I'm thinking of you today." "Do it now. Sometimes later becomes never." "Begin anywhere." "Yesterday's home runs don't win today's games."
But it's not just the content of these notes that is inspiring. It's also this father's unwavering commitment to fulfil his promise. Garth said that he was inspired by the website "Because I Said I Would" which is a non- profit organization founded by Alex Sheen. Alex mails blank 'promise' cards to people all over the world. And people write out promises to themselves or to others. The bottom right corner of each card says "because I said I would."
Psychology studies on change reveal that those who write down their goals are twice as likely to reach them. That is how over a hundred thousand people are changing their lives. That is how Garth is writing 826 lunch notes. That is how a four year old who posted her note is learning how to sleep in her own room. That is how a smoker is quitting. That is how a man stuck in a dead end job worked up the courage to finally leave. But there is something else that is being tapped into by the promise cards. They are like a mirror to the amazing willpower that God has granted to each of us. There is a deep desire within every person to stand behind his own words. And there is a yearning within all of us to be able to make an authentic commitment and then show up, no matter what. The cards remind us of the power of promise that often lies dormant within us. The power to make real, lasting changes in our own lives and in the lives of those around us. Sometimes all it takes is a note on a napkin every day to leave a lasting legacy. Sometimes it takes everything that we have within us to follow through. But once we do, we discover that showing up doesn't have to have a why. It only has to happen. Because I said I would.
Photos courtesy of becauseisaidiwould.com
Published: February 1, 2014
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