Hipster or Hasidic?

Dating. By Rabbi Manis Friedman

How to Date the Jewish Way: Don’t Marry a Man or a Woman. Marry a Husband or a Wife.

Are you looking for a man to marry?

I advise you not to.

You see, men don’t really make good husbands.

Men have opinions. And any man you marry will have his own set of wants and needs. He’ll have own plans. His own schtick. But you yourself already have your own opinions. Your own wants and needs. Your own schtick.

See the problem?

In other words, you’re asking for trouble. For a marriage to work, you need to find a husband. Not a man. And you need to be a wife. Not a woman. There is a profound difference.

Today, we’re inundated with unhealthy messages about relationships from the outside world. So much so that even the most pious of Jews can fall prey to foreign points of view. As a result, most of us wish to meet a man or a woman whom we like and then make this person our spouse. However, this is the product of assimilated thinking. It’s not Jewish.

The reason it doesn’t work is because you can’t take a “man” and turn him into a husband. Neither can you transform a “woman” into wife.

A marriage can only work when each partner is fully committed to the other. A man or a woman makes his or her own needs primary. ‘What’s in it for me?’ Therefore, since no two people can agree on everything, men and women clash. And when they don’t feel they are getting what each of them wanted, they separate.

But a husband or a wife makes the needs of his or her spouse primary. The focus is not on meeting selfish wants and needs. Rather, the goal of a husband and wife is to strengthen their bond through selfless acts of giving and devoted service to one another.

In the old days, people valued the duties and responsibilities that come with marriage. It was understood that a good marriage requires sacrifice. Today, this idea is far less intuitive for most people.

It’s time we regain our focus. You