Hashem is the Shadchan
An older single recently shared with me how difficult her situation is. "I feel like there is nobody else out there. I keep hearing the same names. How long can I continue like this? I just want to give up already. I can't even bring myself to pray for it." These are the sentiments felt by many people in this situation. The road to marriage can be very difficult. However, we must remember that Hashem is behind every step of the way. From every optimistic moment to every let down, it's all being controlled by Hashem for our benefit.
A person's shiduch may be hidden at the moment. One's match may be in another country or maybe just down the block. When Hashem decides the time has come, He brings people together in wondrous ways. We must continue doing our part-constant prayer.
I read a remarkable story told by Rabbi Nachman Seltzer. One day, a man who was friendly with Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach saw him on the street, and Reb Shlomo invited him to a wedding that was taking place in his Shul that night. He said that it would be a big Mitzva to attend this wedding, as there was a special story behind it. The man happily agreed and stayed to the very end. At that point, Rabbi Carlebach sat him down and told him the following story.
A while back, he was on a flight and got up to ask one of the flight attendants for a drink. To his amazement, he saw the stewardess standing in the back, praying intensely with a Siddur in her hand. After she finished the Amidah, he said, "I guess you were praying. I never met a religious stewardess before." She said, "Actually, I converted to Judaism," and she proceeded to tell the Rabbi her story. She was very sincere and had a real passion for religion.
A short while later, she approached the Rabbi's seat and asked him if he could possibly help her. After she had been Jewish for some time, her friend set her up with a nice religious man. After a few dates, it was obvious that they were perfect for each other. However, when his parents found out that she was a convert, they forbade their son from seeing her anymore.
The rabbi said, "I feel very bad. What could I do to help?" She replied, "Maybe if you give his father a call, you could change his mind." When he called, the father heard the suggestion and immediately responded, "It is not subject to discussion. I have only one son, and being that I went through the war, I have a responsibility to my family who perished to carry on the tradition in the best way. This does not include my son marrying a girl who just became Jewish a few months ago. I don't know her intentions. I just want my son to marry a Jewish girl from a regular Jewish family like us." The Rabbi tried his best to convince the father, offering to verify that she was truly sincere. Nonetheless, he was not successful. It seemed that the case was closed.
Several months later, Rabbi Carlebach received a phone call from the stewardess, explaining that there were some new developments. Two days before, she received a phone call informing her that her mother was on her deathbed. They had not been in touch since she made the decision to change her life, and she did not even know that her mother was sick. When she arrived, her mother made a strange request. "Please promise to bury me in Jewish cemetery." It did not make any sense. She asked her mother, "Why? And why are you asking me? Ask Dad to do it." The mother replied, "I can't trust him to do it. You see, we never told you, but really, we are Jewish. After we survived the Holocaust and made it to America, we made a firm commitment never to reveal that we were Jewish. Your father was always worried that there would come a time when it would happen again here. We raised you the way we did, because we thought it would be for your benefit. However, it ended up being a mistake. Please, bury me like a Jew."
Now, she asked Rabbi Carlebach to please call back that father and explain to him that she was, in fact, Jewish from birth. The Rabbi called, but the father was very skeptical. "She's making this whole thing up just to marry my son. I'm not falling for this." "Please," said the Rabbi, "Let's be reasonable. What if I come to your house with her and her father? This way you will be able to meet them and I am sure you will be convinced." The father agreed and the three of them arrived at the house. When the door opened, the two fathers looked at each other in shock. "Yaakov is that really you?" the stewardess's father whispered. "Moshe?" whispered the boy's father. Suddenly, they were in each other's arms, laughing and crying, hardly daring to believe what had just transpired. These two men had been childhood friends who grew up together in the same shtetl. "Yaakov," said Moshe, "Do you remember our pact?" "Remind me." "We promised one another that when we get married and have children of our own..." "Oh yes," interrupted Yaakov. "We promised that if one of us had a boy and the other a girl, we would marry them off to each other." "Well then," Yaakov laughed, "It looks like it's time to keep our promise."
Rabbi Carlebach concluded, "That is how we ended up dancing at this wedding tonight.
Hashem brings people together in wondrous ways. Never give up. We can always be helped.
