Once Upon A Time! Parenting Secrets

Once  Upon A Time!    Parenting Secrets

You used to have a clean house, clean clothes and clean hair. 

Then you had children.

Your standards gradually slipped lower and lower and before you know it you are eating the remains of a rice cake off the floor to avoid having to walk to the bin.  Not because you are lazy; but because some days, you are just too tired to care.

Here are a few dirty secrets that only a tired parent will understand:

1. When I am vacuuming, I will stamp on an old biscuit to make it fit up the hoover pipe instead of picking it up.

2. I have thrown away dirty saucepans because I can’t face scrubbing them.

3. I have told my kids the DVD player is broken so I don’t have to put one on for them. If it is not on the Sky planner, they are not watching it.

4. I have put the same wash on six times because I am too tired to hang it out.

5. I have thrown out baby clothes after a nappy leak rather than clean them.

6. I have watched the ‘no signal’ sign bobbing about the screen for hours because I can’t reach the remote control.

7. I have also watched the blue screen on the CBeebies channel at night for the same reason.

8. I have taken alternate bites of bread and cheese because making a sandwich is too much effort.

9. I have put dirty plates in the dishwasher with some clean stuff because I can’t be bothered to unload it.

10. If a child wees on the settee I sometimes just throw a towel over it until it dries.

11. I never wash my bras. Ever.

12. I will tell my partner I am popping out for milk then sit in the car park outside the supermarket for half an hour enjoying the peace.

13. I rarely hang up clean clothes. My washing basket is my wardrobe.

Mother at sink smiling at child

Washing up? It’s easier to throw it away (Picture: Getty)

14. I will spend half an hour rearranging the dishwasher so I don’t have to wash up the one cup that won’t fit.

15. I never answer the phone because conversations are way too much effort.

16. I have had a dirty children’s sock on my kitchen sideboard for three weeks.

17. Batteries never get replaced. Especially, if you need a screwdriver to open the battery compartment.

18. We often just sit in the dark rather than replace light bulbs.

19. I will use any suitable substitute I can find when I run out of toilet roll to avoid a trip to the shop. Kitchen roll, baby wipes, the cardboard inner tube, sanitary towels, cotton wool or bread!!

20. I once covered a plate with foil so I could use it again rather than wash it up.

21. I only properly clean the house when I have people coming to visit.