Loyalty

The Loyal Cousin

Laibel Morgenstern (names and identifying details changed) was a spry octogenarian. 

At 85 years old he still came to Shul every morning. 

When other Mispallelim would query him as to the secret for his longevity, he would reply, “Very simple; I never had a mother-in-law!”

Indeed, Laibel was never married.

Laibel worked at his father’s fat rendering plant in Newark for many years. 

In 2007 he retired.

I never even knew Laibel had a brother; until the day he and his brother came to my office.

I was to learn that Laibel and his brother Mordy were more than just two years apart; they were worlds apart.

 Mordy was high strung, goal oriented, happily married, wealthy, successful and very community minded with many grandchildren.

 Laibel was ‘laid-back’, never married, lived off his social security check and was more of a loner than a people-person. 

They came to speak about their first cousin Sylvia Rubin. 

Like Laibel she never married and at 91 years old she was alone in this world except for Laibel and Mordy. 

Sylvia had been living at an assisted care facility for the last five years; however, this week her condition deteriorated and she had been admitted to Hackensack Hospital.

It was up to the brothers to decide her ‘end of life questions’ and that is why they came to me.

I watched the interaction between them. 

Mordy was the ‘take-charge’ type.

The main issue was who would be with Sylvia during her final days.

Mordy, who at 87 was still very much involved in his business and family affairs, was adamant that he would hire a full time aid to be with Sylvia; however, he himself had neither the time nor the inclination to personally ever come ‘out to Jersey’ to visit her.

Laibel cleared his throat and stated, “Yes, we should get her full time help; however, I will also stay at her bedside so she will not be alone!”

Mordy was somewhat dismissive of his younger brothers’ offer and remarked, “There is no need for that, as I will cover the cost of the aid.”

It was clear that Mordy was not used to be questioned by anyone, and certainly not by his ‘useless’ younger brother.

“Mordy, I just don’t think it’s right not to have a family member with her”.

“Stop being silly”, Mordy thundered; “Just go back to your apartment in Passaic and I will take care of everything.”

Laibel was not to be deterred, “No, I will not let her be alone when she needs me.”

For the next three weeks Laibel ‘lived’ at his cousin’s bedside.

He was there when she needed a drink of water and he was there when she needed the nurse.

He was there when she began to lose her lucidity and he was there to say Shema Yisroel with her when she breathed her last breath.

The day she died Mordy arrived at the hospital and saw firsthand how devoted Laibel was to Sylvia.

“Laibel, I don’t understand you; why have you sacrificed so much to be here. I don’t think you and Sylvia have spoken more than a few words over the last five years. What gives? Why suddenly did you become so dedicated and devoted?”

Laibel looked at his brother and said calmly yet, firmly. “Mordy, when we were little and Mom and Dad would have Sylvia baby sit for us, you would tease me until I ran into my bed crying. Do you know who would come to my room and sit with me until I calmed down and fell asleep? It was our cousin Sylvia!

She was there for me when I needed her and now 80 years later I knew I had to be there for her when she needed me.”

“If Not Now Then When?”- Hillel

Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ 

   

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