Hashem, The Master Shadchan

The Master Shadchan

The Gemara says מה' אשה לאיש, marriages are orchestrated by Hashem. In other areas of life, we are supposed to put in our full hishtadlut, and only then does Hashem bless our efforts. However, when it comes to shiduchim, the Vilna Gaon writes,'בזה יש לבטוח בה, we are to put total trust in Hashem. Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach explained this to mean that in shiduchim, the minimum amount of effort suffices. Contemporary Rabbis have said that it is enough to call a few shadchanim (matchmakers) and remind them periodically. In shiduchim, it is already obvious that Hashem is behind the scenes. We don't need to conceal the miracle by putting in extra effort. 

It's true, some people get married right away and for others it takes years; but that's all בהשגחה (Divine Providence). People who are older and single should not feel guilty that they are not married. They shouldn't be upset at other people for not helping them enough, because מה' אשה לאיש. When the time comes for a person to get married, Hashem makes it happen. 

Sometimes a person was told that a shiduch wouldn't be a good match for him and then months later, when it's already too late, others tell him, "that girl would have been perfect for you." He shouldn't feel bad at all. Hashem arranged it that he should ask the one who was going to advise him against it, because that girl wasn't for him. Hashem gives a person the messages he needs to hear in order to say yes to the one he's supposed to marry and the messages he needs to hear to say no to the one he's not supposed to marry. When a shiduch is meant to be, the Master Shadchan ensures that it reaches fruition.

It was time for the Chidushei Harim to find a suitable match for his daughter. The first boy that was suggested knew that the Rabbi was going to test him on the Gemara he was learning. He had a long journey to travel to the Rabbi's city so he brought along his Gemara to review. On the road, the Gemara fell into a mud puddle and was ruined. Only one page remained in his hand- a page from the middle of the fourth chapter. 

The boy said גם זו לטובה (it's for the best). Left with no other choice, he spent the entire trip reviewing that one page. When he finally arrived at the Rabbi's house, the Rabbi asked him which masechet he was learning, he responded, Baba Metzia. The Rabbi said to himself, "I'm not going to ask him questions from the beginning. I'm going to ask him questions from somewhere in the middle." The piece he chose was the exact one the boy just reviewed. Baba Metzia has 119 pages. Hashem made it that he review the one page he was going to be tested on. That was a clear hashgachat peratit. The Rabbi was very impressed with the boy, and he became his son-in-law. This boy was actually not one of the top boys in the yeshiva. If the Rabbi had known more about him, he might not have chosen him as his son-in-law. But Hashem wanted this shiduch, so He worked it out perfectly.

We have no idea why some people have to wait a long time and others don't. We don't know why some people have to go through many rejections before they get married, or why some people have to get their hopes up and are then let down. We do know, there is a very good reason for every situation and Hashem is behind it all. He knows what we're going through. He feels our pain. But, He always does what's best. The greatest hishtadlut we can do in shiduchim is tefila, because Hashem is the only One with a say, and He loves hearing from us.