Who Is In Charge?

At least this lady recognizes who is in charge...

It's Thursday afternoon, and I'm preparing for Shabbos like every other week. But... this Thursday is different.

I usually have my Erev-Shabbos schedule down pat. I'm a very structured person and I like things to be just so.

This Thursday, though, my husband did the Shabbos shopping bein hasedarim because I am afraid of the Arab workers in Hachi Kedai.

This Thursday, my Chessed girl called to cancel because her seminary is in lockdown.

This Thursday, I am cooking for just us because my brother-in-law's Yeshiva is having a mandatory in-Shabbos as a result of the current situation.

This Thursday, I am not concerned about scheduling my baby's nap early enough so we can get to the park before bedtime, because all we mothers feel that the park is too exposed for our comfort.

I haven't gone out in a few days- I have been postponing all my errands.

I feel trapped; cooped up. And scared.

Everything is different.

Or is it?

I am reminded of another Thursday afternoon, two years ago. That Thursday, we were snowed in.

My husband did the shopping because I was afraid of the unsalted streets.

My Chessed girl cancelled because she could not get from her neighborhood to mine.

I cooked for just us because no guests were willing to brave the treacherous roads.

I made no plans to go to the park because the park was lost beneath a sea of white.

And I did not even attempt to run errands.

I felt cooped up just the same. But not scared.

And all those similarities got me thinking.

Weather is beyond my control, as are terrorists. And just like Hashem will decide without my help when there will be storm and when will be sun, so too He decides when and where the knife will pierce. Which plans will be thwarted and which evil intentions averted.

If He is not stopping those knives, there is a reason.

And if that knife is meant to pierce, the safety of my walls is no safety at all.

So the only thing we CAN control is how we respond to the message Hashem is sending us with such force. Paralyzing fear (my reaction till now) is understandable, but doesn't accomplish much. Instead, I am using this extended time indoors with my children to get to know them better, to play with them more. I am learning to feel proud of living here in fear- of staying in Eretz Yisrael when it's not comfortable. I am learning to value our emunas chachamim when I send my husband to kollel without too much fear because R' Chaim said talmidei chachamim will be protected. And I am learning to surrender control to Hashem.

It's a pretty important lesson. From the storms of anger, terrorism and snow, I learned my place.

Let us pray that Hashem now begins to show His ultimate control by bringing absolute Shalom and eternal peace to Klal Yisrael!