Then You Had Children

Then You Had Children!                                                                                                                           By Annonymous

You used to have a clean house, clean clothes and clean hair.

Then you had children.

Your standards gradually slipped lower and lower and before you know it you are eating the remains of a rice cake off the floor to avoid having to walk to the bin.  Not because you are lazy; but because some days, you are just too tired to care.

Here are a few dirty secrets that only a tired parent will understand:

1. When I am vacuuming, I will stamp on an old biscuit to make it fit up the hoover pipe             instead of picking it up.

2. I have thrown away dirty saucepans because I can’t face scrubbing them.

3. I have told my kids the DVD player is broken so I don’t have to put one on for them. If it is     not on the Sky planner, they are not watching it.

4. I have put the same wash on six times because I am too tired to hang it out.

5. I have thrown out baby clothes after a nappy leak rather than clean them.

8. I have taken alternate bites of bread and cheese because making a sandwich is too much             effort.

9. I have put dirty plates in the dishwasher with some clean stuff because I can’t be                   bothered to unload it.

  

12. I will tell my partner I am popping out for milk then sit in the car park outside the                       supermarket for half an hour enjoying the peace.

13. I rarely hang up clean clothes. My washing basket is my wardrobe.

14. I will spend half an hour rearranging the dishwasher so I don’t have to wash up the one cup       that won’t fit.

15. I never answer the phone because conversations are way too much effort.

16. I have had a dirty children’s sock on my kitchen sideboard for three weeks.

17. Batteries never get replaced. Especially, if you need a screwdriver to open the battery           compartment.

18. We often just sit in the dark rather than replace light bulbs.

19. I will use any suitable substitute I can find when I run out of toilet roll to avoid a trip to the       shop. Kitchen roll, baby wipes, the cardboard inner 

      tube, cotton wool !!

20. I once covered a plate with foil so I could use it again rather than wash it up.

21. I only properly clean the house when I have people coming to visit.