Dating Your Spouse! How To Do It Right!

Date Night

I try to do our date night on a Moitzay shabbos it is a great time since we are still in happy relaxed mode and haven't 

Started the week yet with all those commitments!

Make sure you're getting the most out of spending quality time together

Date night: how to do it right

Date nights are really important for every romantic relationship, no matter what stage: new, familiar, strained or decades old. They're great for being able to reconnect you as a romantic couple and become focused on being together. This comes very naturally in the beginning of a relationship, as you strive to discover one another and work out your common interests and passions. As time goes on, though, the temptation becomes to use time alone to have heavy discussions, or some couples get in the pattern of skipping date night altogether.

So to make the most of date nights, and really do them right so they are something you both look forward to, make sure you're doing at least the following key things:

1. Make it regular 

That may be once a week or once a month, but if it's regular and not just a "special occasion" then there won't be so much pressure each time to "do it up big" (expensive and fancy) or be ultra super duper romantic. Regular date nights should be a staple of your relationship. And the fancier romantic outings are your more special occasions. Don't let pressure creep into your time alone together.

2. Take turns planning 

Maybe one of you really does like to do something fancy each time, or get dressed in your best, while the other prefers a more casual, relaxed evening together, or even in! If you take turns and balance what each of you enjoys you'll both have your needs met. Also there won't be resentment by one person who does all the planning and booking. Share the responsibility equally for carving connected time out together.

3. Make your dates a phone-free zone 

No electronics, no smartphones, no distractions. Stop for a couple of hours and simply focus on one another. if you feel you need to check on a babysitter, do so once an hour. There's no need to keep your phone at the table. If there's an emergency, you'll hear the phone ring in your purse or pocket. Do not answer business or unimportant calls. Ask yourself: can this wait 60 minutes? The answer is in all likelihood, yes. Your partner is your priority on date nights, period.

4. Keep conversation upbeat and light

You know you can do this, because you did it in the courtship phase of your relationship. Maybe that was last year, or maybe it was more than ten years ago. Either way, we gravitate towards people who make us feel good, with whom we have a great time, who make us laugh, who stimulate our minds, and with whom we have common interests. Don't allow your alone time to be dominated by stressful talk of children's development, finances, work burdens or domestic issues. Instead talk about where you'd like to go for your next holiday, current events, interesting things happening in your neighborhood or with your friends and family. You can even talk about each other and what you enjoy about being in the moment of a date night, then and there. Reinforce how enjoyable it is and how nice it feels to just spend time together.

5. Break patterns and learn new things about each other

Think speed dating is just for singles? Play a game with each other. This is especially good for couples who tend to fall into the trap of talking about negative stressors when alone together, or who can't help but tell endless stories about people the other partner either doesn't like, has never met or doesn't know well. Make the most of this time getting to know each other better. Daydream about the future together. Ask each other where they'd like to be in five years. Brainstorm other great date nights to share together. Play conversation games where you ask each other the most random question you can think of: what was your favourite song in high school and why? What's your greatest fear? Who would you invite to dinner, living or dead? What would be the best place in the world to live? If you had to get up right now and sing a song or dance or make a speech, which would you choose and why? Make a bet on something. Dare each other to do something that night. Be silly. Be thoughtful. Spark together. Often we reserve these kinds of conversations for dinner parties or pub chat. But your time alone deserves lighthearted talk just as much as you each deserve to have fun and always learn more about one another.

Shabbos Guest!

That Last minute Call Before Shabbos!

Wow!!! Powerful Article; Proud To Be Chabad!

The Most Open Orthodoxy of Them All

November 11, 2015, 

N. DANIEL KOROBKIN

My colleagues and friends in the Orthodox rabbinate and beyond have been debating the limits of Orthodox Judaism, based on the recent RCA resolution to ban female rabbis, and based on Agudath Israel’s recent statement defining the movement “Open Orthodoxy” as not Orthodox.

Then, I attended the recent banquet of the Kinnus Shluchim, a gathering of over 5,000 Chabad shluchim and their guests, to offer chizuk and to celebrate the incredible work that these shluchim are doing around the world. The evening was filled with inspiring recollections of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and his unwavering mission of sending his shluchim throughout the world as a way of stemming the tide of assimilation and bringing our Jewish brothers and sisters back into the fold. The shluchim’s courage, their effectiveness in the field, and their untiring perseverance were all extolled over the evening. The speakers and the music were inspiring and emotionally uplifting.

Curiously, not one word was uttered about the granting of semikhah to women. No one talked about whether “Open Orthodoxy” was Orthodox or not. Surprisingly, the only focus of the evening was the holy work that is being done by Chabad-Lubavitch throughout the world in bringing Jews closer to their heritage, whether it be through youth organizations, providing meals to weary travelers at remote locations across the globe, or chance meetings at a gas station to help someone put on tefillin for the first time.

Now, I’m not a Lubavitcher. But sometimes, I wish I was. Sometimes, when I read the seemingly endless debates circulating among my colleagues and friends about the parameters of Orthodox Judaism, I wish that I could snap my fingers and whisk us all to a farbrengen.

I don’t mean to trivialize the endeavors of my colleagues. I know that there’s something important about defining ourselves. It’s about preserving halakhah, our mesorah, and about defining which faith dogma are necessary to count one as part of the Torah community. Ultimately, it’s about making sure that we preserve Orthodoxy faithfully for the next generation.

But maybe there’s a better way to do this. Maybe we could learn from our Lubavitcher brethren, who have never had to struggle about whether or not women can be rabbis, because the Chabad rebbetzins are too busy doing vital work in Mumbai, Nepal, and Nebraska. Maybe they haven’t found a need to compose resolutions that recapitulate the religious principles of Lubavitch chassidus, because those principles are as clear as day to those shluchim who live and breathe those dictates.

Maybe the key to Chabad’s success is that they live their faith every day by touching the lives of their fellow Jews. Maybe if we “mainstream Orthodox” leaders focused more on how we can stem the tide of assimilation, how we can redouble our efforts at making Orthodoxy attractive to secular Jews, and about how we can fulfill the mitzvah of Ahavas Yisrael, maybe then all these discussions and resolutions would seem a bit moot.

I’m just a regular pulpit rabbi out in the field, and so perhaps I’m not as ideologically driven as some of my other colleagues. But this much I do know: I’ve been banging my head for years to try and make Orthodox Judaism more open, accepting and non-judgmental, so that non-Orthodox Jews who walk into my shul or meet me for the first time would not feel intimidated or fearful that they might not be accepted. So forgive me if I find that all these definitions of who’s “in” and who’s “out” somewhat counter-productive to that mission.

To be sure, the Chabad community is not perfect. It suffers from many of the same social ills that can be found in other Orthodox communities, be they modern, yeshivish or chassidish. But because the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s message was always about the greatness within each and every Jew, and the need for each of us to reach out to his or her brother and sister and remind them of their greatness, it seems to this outsider that this is a more effective way of repairing the breaches within Orthodoxy today.

That’s why I’ll be steering clear of the discussions and debates. I’d rather dance like a chassid, even if I can’t be one.

This post has been contributed by a third party. The opinions, facts and any media content here are presented solely by the author, and The Times of Israel assumes no responsibility for them. In case of abuse, report this post.

Power Of A Teacher!

There was a young man that was taking a bechina to get into a yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, a yeshiva for boys who were finding their way during their first year in Eretz Yisroel. The principle from the original yeshiva calls up the man who is administering the test and says to him, "You are going to meet with the boys soon. And I am warning you that if you take this boy (and he describes him) into your yeshiva, he is singlehandedly going to destroy your yeshiva". And the man administering the test says, "Well I think I'm meeting with him right now. Thank you", and he hangs up the phone and looks at the young man that he was just warned about. He says to him, "I want you to know something. I was just told that if I accept you into my yeshiva, you are singlehandedly going to destroy my yeshiva." And he let the statement sit there for a moment and then said, "What unbelievable kochos you must have! Single handedly? I want you to know something. I am going to take you into the yeshiva, and I am counting on you to make something great of yourself."     Ladies and gentleman, this young man gives a shiur today in the Yeshiva. Because one rebbe believed in him, and was able to take what was perceived to be the one overwhelming chesaron and shortcoming that he had, and transformed it into the greatest mailah.     Whether you are a rebbe, a teacher, a parent, or just anyone, we all know people and we perceive that they have failings and shortcomings. But maybe if we look a little closer, we will see that that specifically is what makes the person shine. Think about. I think it's something that can change a lot of people and the way we view them. Have a great day and a great rest of your week.

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Future!

Hashem

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: 

“Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”