Flashback! The Internet In 1995 | Archives | TODAY

Brené Brown on Blame

Hipster or Hasidic?

One and half your old calls dad in Argentina on Skype numerous times

ADORABLE!

Skinny Pinny by Lose4Autism (ft. Binyomin Miller)

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Interview With G-d

An Interview with God

“Come in,” God said. “So you would like to inAn Interview with God

“Come in,” God said. “So you would like to interview me?”

“If You have the time,”  I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity. That’s enough time to do everything. What questions do you have in mind?”

“What surprises you most about mankind?”

“Many things...

 That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up,

 and then long to be children again.   

        

That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, and live neither for the present nor for the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and die as if they had never lived.”

God took my hands in His. We were silent for a while, then I asked,

“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons You want Your children to learn?”

God replied with a smile.

“To learn that they cannot make anyone love them.

They can only let themselves be loved.

To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have

in their lives, but who they have in their lives.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

All will be judged individually on their own merits,

not as a group on a comparison basis.

To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most,

but is one who needs the least.

To learn that it takes only a few seconds to open profound wounds

in persons they love and many years to heal them.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn there are persons who love them dearly, but simply do not

know how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

To understand that two people can look at the same thing,

and see it totally differently.

To appreciate that a true friend is someone who knows everything

about them, and likes them anyway.

To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others,

but that they have to forgive themselves.”

I sat there for a while enjoying the moment. I thanked God for this time and for all that He has done for me and my family.

Then God replied, “Anytime. I’m here twenty-four hours a day. All you have to do is ask and I’ll answer. 

People will forget what you said.

People will forget what you did.

But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

-- attributed to James J. Lachard (Jim Brown)terview me?”

“If You have the time,”  I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity. That’s enough time to do everything. What questions do you have in mind?”

“What surprises you most about mankind?”

“Many things...

 That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up,

 and then long to be children again.   

        

That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, and live neither for the present nor for the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and die as if they had never lived.”

God took my hands in His. We were silent for a while, then I asked,

“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons You want Your children to learn?”

God replied with a smile.

“To learn that they cannot make anyone love them.

They can only let themselves be loved.

To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have

in their lives, but who they have in their lives.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

All will be judged individually on their own merits,

not as a group on a comparison basis.

To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most,

but is one who needs the least.

To learn that it takes only a few seconds to open profound wounds

in persons they love and many years to heal them.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn there are persons who love them dearly, but simply do not

know how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

To understand that two people can look at the same thing,

and see it totally differently.

To appreciate that a true friend is someone who knows everything

about them, and likes them anyway.

To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others,

but that they have to forgive themselves.”

I sat there for a while enjoying the moment. I thanked God for this time and for all that He has done for me and my family.

Then God replied, “Anytime. I’m here twenty-four hours a day. All you have to do is ask and I’ll answer. 

People will forget what you said.

People will forget what you did.

But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

How To Install Love

Installing Love
 
Technical Support:  Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer:     Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer:        Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support:  The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer:        Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer:        Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support:   No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer  disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer:        I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer:        Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:        Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components."  What should I do?   

Tech Support:  Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer:        So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files:   Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer:        Okay, done.

Tech Support:  Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will   overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer:        Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support:  Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool   modules back to you.

Customer:      Thank you, G-d.

__._,_.___

Lol

Grandparents Answering Machine

GRANDPARENT'S ANSWERING MACHINE  

Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ... 

If you are one of our   children, press 1 

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 

If you want to borrow the car, press 3 

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5 

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered  to your home, press 7  

If you want to come to eat here, press 8 

If you need money, press 9 (for each $ requested) 

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or bring-over a freshly baked cheese cake or a cherry pie     start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

Alphabet

Who Remembers?

This Is Funny.

GRANDPARENT'S ANSWERING MACHINE  

Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ... 

If you are one of our   children, press 1 

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 

If you want to borrow the car, press 3 

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5 

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered  to your home, press 7  

If you want to come to eat here, press 8 

If you need money, press 9 (for each $ requested) 

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or bring-over a freshly baked cheese cake or a cherry pie     start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

i-Shiva Commercial

Cute!

Paraprosdokians  (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising

or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:'  I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

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