Thursday 17 September 2015

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About Rebbitzen Chana

"He Thinks I Don't Know"

What Rebbetzin Chana, the Rebbe's mother, told Rabbi Hirshel Chitrik obm of Crown Heights the Rebbe thought she never figured out.
By JEM's Here's My Story
Click here for full PDF

I spent most of World War Two in Samarkand, Uzbekistan, learning in the Lubavitcher Yeshiva there. After the war ended, the Previous Rebbe dispatched my father to Antwerp to help reopen the Etz Chaim Heida Yeshiva, and I also went, but I didn’t stay there – I moved on to Paris, because it was easier to get a visa for America in France than in Belgium.

It was while I was in Paris, waiting six months for my visa to come through, that I met the Previous Rebbe’s son-in-law, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson – who would later become the Rebbe – and his mother, the Rebbetzin Chana.

The Rebbetzin had been trapped in Russia during the war but, once it ended, she made her way via various DP camps to Paris. She came there in 1947 and she stayed in the house of her cousin Rabbi Zalman Schneerson, which is where I was also staying.

We often ate dinner together, and we became very friendly. I was there when, to her great joy, her son arrived from New York to take her to America. The necessary documents took a while to arrange and this is when I got to know him.

He made everybody feel so good, even in uncomfortable circumstances. For example, once he started to tell a story, and I interrupted him; I jumped up, miffed, “Hey, I told this story yesterday!” He smiled at me so kindly and said, “Please understand – once I’ve heard a story from my father-in-law, I don’t listen to that story again from anybody else, because I don’t want to mix up their version with what I heard from him.”

How could I be upset, if he had such a good reason and he explained it in such a nice way?!

I also remember another incident. Before Passover, I went to prepare matzah – which required buying wheat and having it ground into flour. As the flour sacks were being readied for transport, I had to make sure nobody took them – something I couldn’t allow to happen. This was the special flour for Passover! So I lay down on top of the sacks and my jacket turned completely white, though I didn’t know it. When I got on the train back to Paris, people were laughing at me, but I thought nothing of it, because the French often made fun of the Jews. When I got home, the Rebbe looked at me and said, “Go look in the mirror!” And he took me by the hand to the washroom and helped me clean up.

I followed him around whenever I could, always walking behind him. When he came to pray in one shul, everyone got very excited to see him, and started calling for him to give a talk, “Reb Mendel, Reb Mendel, please speak some words of Torah!”

He was reluctant but they insisted, so he finally relented. Because they were learning the laws of tefilin at that time, he spoke about the length of the straps. He quoted the Shulchan Aruch HaRav, authored by the Alter Rebbe, the founder of the Chabad Movement, and he explained why one of the head straps has to be longer than the other one.

As I followed him around, I observed him very closely. I paid attention to his every move. I saw that he used to divide his day into two hour shifts – two hours he spent learning Torah (Chumash), then two hours he spent learning Talmud, then two hours he spent learning Tanya, and so forth. If something happened and one of those sessions had to be postponed, he made it up at night. Which meant he got less sleep. It seemed to me he slept only three or four hours each night. I tried to imitate him, but I couldn’t keep up.

This is when I became his ardent follower, his chasid though he was not yet the Rebbe and I had no way of knowing he would become the Rebbe.

The thing that impressed me most though was his love for his mother. And this is the story I really want to tell about him.

Very recently, I had an encounter with an important leader of American Jewry and he asked me why it is that so many people admire the Rebbe. So I told him this story about the Rebbe and his mother to explain why the Rebbe was so special.

Once she was already living in New York, I used to visit with Rebbetzin Chana often. She spoke a beautiful Russian and she liked to converse in Russian, which is something we had in common. I would spend a half-hour with her whenever I had the time.

Often, when I arrived, the Rebbe opened the door for me, because he visited his mother every day. When he did, he’d say to me, “Thank you for coming to spend time with my mother.” And then he would walk out, but he did it in an odd way. I noticed that as he went to the door, one time he rearranged the chairs, another time he straightened the picture on the wall, that sort of thing. I saw him do this, once, twice, three times. And I didn’t understand what was going on.

The Rebbetzin saw me watching her son, and she said, “I see that you are paying attention to what he is doing. Not everybody is that observant. So I’ll tell you what this is about … Since the day of his Bar Mitzvah, he has never turned his back to me. I have never seen his back in all those years. He thinks I don’t know what he is doing, but I know.”

And then I understood that out of his great love and respect for his mother, he always went out sideways, and he tried not to make it obvious; he pretended to be busy straightening the furniture, but it was so that he didn’t have to turn away from her.

When I finished this story to the important leader of American Jewry, I asked him, “Could you do such a thing?” And he said, “I don’t think so. And certainly not from Bar Mitzvah age.”

And yet that is what the Rebbetzin said. From age 13, she never saw her son’s back. He was so totally in control of himself, he had such total awareness that he was able to keep his respect for his mother ever and always in the forefront of his mind. I myself saw how he used to walk her out of the synagogue at Chabad Headquarters whenever she came there.

He always took her hand and tucked it under his arm, and then he walked her down the staircase to the street. There the ladies would take over and escort her home. But he stayed watching as she made her way down the street until she turned the corner and disappeared from view. It was very touching.

He was a real model of how a son, who wants to show the utmost respect to his mother, should behave.

Rabbi Hirshel Chitrik, of blessed memory, was a philanthropist and a respected member of the Crown Heights Community. He was interviewed in his home in January of 2009. 

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Transcript:
    
    Welcome to inspiration daily. Gmar chasima tova to all. There is a beautiful story that will begin Inspiration Daily for tuf shin ayin vav; A beautiful and touching story that will give us much to think about. The story was told over by Rav Go'el Elkarif who said he heard it from the person to whom it happened.

    There is a fellow who owns a jewelry store in Eretz Yisroel. One day, not long ago a nine year old girl walked into the store and said, "I am here to buy a bracelet". She looks through the glass cases and points to a bracelet that was three or four thousand dollars. The man behind the counter asked her, "You want to buy that bracelet?" And she says, "Yes". He says, "Wow, you have very good taste. Who do you want to buy it for?" She says, "For my older sister". He says, "Oh that is so nice! Why do you want to buy your older sister this bracelet?" The little girl says, "Because I don't have a mother or father, and my older sister takes care of us. So we want to buy her a present, and I'm willing to pay for it". She pulls out of her pocket a whole bunch of coins that totaled seven shekel, eighty agurot, which is a little less than two dollars. The fellow says, "Wow! That's exactly what the bracelet costs". He wraps up the bracelet and says, "You write a card to your sister while I wrap the bracelet". In a short amount of time, he finishes wrapping the bracelet, he wipes away his tears, and hands the little girl the bracelet. 

     A few hours later the older sister comes in and says" I'm terribly embarrassed. My sister should not have come here. She shouldn't have taken it without paying." He says to her, "What are you talking about?" She says, "What do you mean? This bracelet costs thousands of dollars. My little sister doesn't have thousands of dollars, she doesn't even have ten dollars. So she obviously didn't pay for it". The fellow who owns the jewelry store says, "You couldn't be more wrong. She paid me in full. She paid seven shekel, eighty agurot, and a broken heart. I want to tell you something. I am an alman, I lost my wife a number of years ago. People come into my store every single day. They come in and buy expensive pieces of jewelry, but all these people can afford it. When your sister walked in, for the first time in so very long since my wife had died, I once again felt what love means". He gave her the bracelet and wished her well. 

    Says, Rav Go'el Elkarif, we come to the Ribono Shel Olam and we want to buy something very expensive. We want to buy life, but we cannot afford it. We don't have the money to pay for it. We don't have the zechusim. So we come to the Ribono Shel Olam and we empty our pockets, with what? A kabbalah here and a kabbalah there; I'll keep cholov yisroel during the Asrers Yimei Teshuva, I'll keep pas yisroel like the Mishnah Brura says, I'll pick up the phone and call someone who is lonely, I wil learn an extra five minutes mussar, I will be kind, I won't speak lashon harah for two hours; something small. The Ribono Shel Olam says, "Oh, you don't know how long it's been since I've felt what love means". The Ribono Shel Olam sees how much we are willing to do, how much we love him, and he says, "You know what? You have touched my heart. Here it is, paid in full". 

    Have a great beginning to your Aseres Yemei Teshuva, and a great year.









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    I heard a beautiful story today about Rav Wosner. Rav Shmuel Wosner was the posek hadar, the one who rendered the most difficult and complex shailos, the questions that came his way. One day, a young couple that is engaged walked into his office. They had a very difficult shailah. The shailah was as follows:


    The chosson was not feeling well. Nebach, after taking a number of tests, he was diagnosed with the machlah, cancer. He decided that he was going to break the engagement. He went to the kallah together with his parents and informed her that the engagement was off because he didn't want her to have to live with such a difficult prognosis and such a difficult nisayon. But she said, "Absolutely not, this is my lot. And the fact that you got sick after we got engaged means that this is my tzarah as well". She refused to allow him to break the engagement. Well, when they were about to leave, they asked Rav Wosner what they should do. He said, "If this is the dedication that you have for one another, then you can and should stay engaged". B"H, he had a refuah shleima, but before they left they asked Rav Wosner if he could give them a bracha. She specifically said, "Being that I am staying engaged can you please give me a bracha that my chosson should get better". Rav Wosner was crying and he said, "I will give you a bracha on one condition, that you give me a bracha as well". Such a young lady, who is willing to embrace a nisayon, I want a bracha from you as well. 


    B"H the couple had a beautiful life together and continues to have a wonderful family. Let's realize that sometimes when difficult things come our way, that is our nisayon. And we we have been chosen because we can handle it. Have a great day. 

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