Inspirations By Toby: September 2016

Tuesday 27 September 2016

My Wife Doesn't Work

🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️

My wife doesn't work!!!

Conversation between a husband (H) and a psychologist (P): Q: what do you do for a living Mr. Rogers?

H: I work as an accountant in a bank.

P: Your wife?

H: She doesn't work. She's a housewife. Q: Who makes breakfast for your family? H: My wife, because she doesn't work

Q: What time does your wife wake?

H: She wakes up early because it has to be organised. She organizes the lunch for the children, ensures that they are well-dressed and combed, if they had breakfast, if they brush their teeth and take all their school supplies.

She wakes with the baby and changes diapers and clothes.

Breastfeeds and makes snacks as well. Q: How do your children get to school? H: My wife takes them to school, because she doesn't work.

P: After taking their children to school, what does she do?

H: Usually takes a while to figure something out that she can do while she is out, so she doesn't have to pack and unpack the carseat too many times, like drop off bills or to make a stop at the supermarket. Sometimes she forgets something and has to make the trip all over again, baby in tow. Once back home, she has to feed the baby lunch and breastfeed again, get the baby's diaper changed and ready for a nap, sort the kitchen and then will take care of laundry and cleaning of the house. You know, because she doesn't work

P: In the evening, after returning home from the office, what are you doing?

H: Rest, of course. Well, I'm tired after working all day in the bank.

Q: What does your wife do at night?

H: She makes dinner, serves my children and I, washes the dishes, orders once more the house, makes sure the dog is put away as well as any left over dinner. After helping children with HW she gets them prepared to sleep in pajamas and the baby is in fresh diapers, gives warm milk, verifies they brush their teeth. Once in bed she wakes frequently to continue to breastfeed and possibly change a diaper if needed while we rest. Because she doesn't have to get up for work. -This is the daily routine of many women all over the world, it starts in the morning and continues until the wee hours of the night... This is called "doesn't work"?! Being a housewife has no diplomas, but has a key role in family life! Enjoy and appreciate your wife, mother, grandma, aunt, sister, daughter... Because their sacrifice is priceless. Somebody asked her... You are a woman who works or is it just "housewife"?? She replied: I work as a wife of the home, 24 hours a day.. I am a mother, I am a woman, I am a daughter, I'm the alarm clock, I'm the cook, I'm the maid, I am the master, I'm the bartender, I'm the babysitter, I'm a nurse, I am a manual worker, I'm a security officer, I'm the advisor, I am the comforter, I don't have a vacation, I don't have a licence for disease. I don't have a day off I work day and night, I'm on duty all the time, I do not receive salary and... Even so, I often hear the phrase: " but what do you do all day?" Dedicated to all the women who give their lives for the welfare of their families The woman is like salt: Her presence is not remembered, but its absence makes everything left without flavor. Share with all the beautiful ladies of your life.

Only You

Thursday 15 September 2016

Downsizing! What An Experience!

Someone once asked

How do you know who's a friend?

How do you make a friend?

....The answer

❤️BE THERE FOR THEM

IN TIMES OF JOY😄 OR SORROW😥

One kind word! One small act! What a difference it could make

I was inspired to write this short article expressing my emotions and feelings as I move once again and witness something special!

Title: ZERO Kids at Home 😥

💐 Small Acts of Chesed that cheered me up!

❤️ You have no idea the impact that 3 small acts of kindness had made on me this week!(yesterday)

If you haven't noticed by now,(with all my ads on Craig's list... selling and giving away household stuff),I will actually be living between 2 dwellings this weekend.

You see my daughter Shevy is Bh getting married next week in San Fransisco💍🍾🎶

I am leaving overseas Monday morning IH with hubby and 2 kids.

Try to imagine the joy when I received a phone call from the real estate this Tuesday telling me our application is now accepted (to move again!) into another premises we had applied for (only a few blocks away from our present home, just half the price and size😄)

You see 2 other times our applications were declined, because after research into who we are, they found out we have kh 14 kids, and there was no way they will have 14 kids in a 2 bedroom apt!

Go explain 10 of the 14 are married k"h and live overseas.

(Sometimes just a tiny bit of minor details is lost along the way of these important, major investigations!)

You can imagine our joy, when finally, since on this application THIS TIME I had written ZERO for the amount of kids living with me, and I got the acceptance email less then 24 hours later!

ZERO kids did it!

OMG. Is this for real?

I am going to have ZERO kids living with me now?

Is that my new found life?

Is this the end of all my 40 years of hard labor (14 real labours!) and the 'who ha' of raising kids, feeling like there's no tomorrow, the laughter the birthday parties, the beat the clock to make it to school on time.....and not to mention the big Shabbos table, my dream, the excitement, the love, the fight-solving, the late night talks, the constant buzz of activity, the constant family meetings/job duties, then the first child's farewell party to YESHIVA overseas excitement! And the rest of the kids to follow overseas slowly becoming a routine.....😥 sad and happy 😄. Very Mixed emotions indeed.

As the movers are taking away my precious household stuff (cuz that's all it is, is stuff. A collection of stuff accumulated the first 20 years of married life, and then trying to get rid of it the second 20 years!!!)

As they hold up each piece and ask for instruction,

"mam, is this going with you?"

I look at my husband for the 'nod' and say "whatever he says" because my heart doesn't allow me to utter the word NO.

I cannot say No to all the 1000s of Vhs family and kids videos accumulated over the 20 years, nor the old dusty super 8 projector (it's still outside waiting for another nostalgic oldie, like me, to dust it off and take give it a home)

My husband reminds me...."Toby at the end we cannot even take a pair of socks with us..."

"When's the last time we used it or looked at it?"

They say if you haven't touched it or seen it for 6 months out it goes!!

Does anyone else sympathise with me? Hello!

I ask "but what about the stunning family photos on wood that we ran to pixie photos in Kmart for, at 6 pm (only time available) with crying babies and hungry kids, for 99cents a family shoot! (and they always talked us into getting the whole package deal....remember?)

I can't throw those away, you kidding me?

The emotions and memories running down my spine giving me absolute chills!

I almost felt a tiny bit of the emotional selection process, (please forgive me,)when they said "you go to the right and you to the left (to die)"

I couldn't part with the stuff!

It was more then stuff

It is to me, selecting life and death in a way.

My kids' accumulated school stuff they couldn't throw away all these years! Saved for "one day".

When is the "one day" supposed to be?

Now? When their 60 year old parents move to a 2 bedroom flat with absolutely no room for a kitchen stool?

Where, ally the 40 dishes that witnessed happy Shabbos and yomtov tables, were now distributed for free pick up because we are only 2 of us?

Just try and feel the emotional turmoil of someone picking up our dear 21' Shabbos table, a table that once seated 40 people laughing and listening to the most inspirational dvar torahs from my husband, a table that took talent to set every Shabbos since we had such creative souls, experimenting different styles of expressing their inner creative self by the way they set the table!

A table that witnessed laughter and tears from every sort of human being, possible due to the variety of Shabbos guests we were honoured to have each week with us.

Watching that table go with all the memories attached to it, was more then heartbreaking, yet blended with a sense of satisfaction and completion. The feeling of completing a task, a mission accomplished. Mabe like completing a piece of art that took toil sweat and even tears, and then you sell it. The mixture of emotions. The deposits the withdrawals.

It is a huge roller coaster of feelings that I have never experienced before.

I had never been asked to complete a form that required me to write ZER0 kids, either.

Wow

So, there I am going through this emotional washing machine, dryer and cleaners!,

When a woman from our community pops over with hot soup that literally warmed my very thirsty mouth and heart, and a kind word saying, "oh it's nothing I should've brought you a whole meal"

She caught me between both houses since I MUST MOVE before the weekend (which is now!) since we're going oseas Monday and I accepted this lease just yesterday.

48 hours later (and 6 high energy Israeli backpackers!) my new place is already set up waiting for us all rest, to return from our daughters wedding trip.

In our old home now, almost bed less, fridge less, and chair less, not to mention table less, and hot food less we are coping till Monday and will make it with your small acts of kindness! And my wonderful husband that can say yes or no without strings attached to enable us to move onto the future and let go of the past......(which is nearly impossible for me at least!)

Another woman texted me and said "anything you need I'll be there for you in a blink"

Another woman said "come over, I have 50 boxes you can use I'll even help you bring them with my van after 5!) These 3 acts of Chesed really made my ride so much smoother you will never know the huge impression it made on me.

Melbourne community, you are awesome!

My husband has to keep reminding me,

We are future oriented, look ahead not behind.

We will be living in the future not the past.

Remember, we can't even take a pair of socks with us later......

Tuesday 6 September 2016

The 4 D's

Elul: The 4 D's of Lasting Change

How to keep your resolutions and truly grow.

by Rabbi Eliyahu Heller

David, a friend of mine, shared with me something that changed my life. He and his wife were frequently fighting and couldn't find a way out of their negative pattern of behavior. He told me that last year, as Rosh Hashanah was approaching, he decided to make a resolution that on every Friday for the next year he would write a little note thanking his wife for some of the things she had done for him over the past week. He would then stick it under her pillow where she would find it on Friday night.

Before he committed to doing this, he mentioned the idea to his wife. She thought it was such a good idea and decided to take on this project as well.

He told me that this little gesture made a great impact on their relationship, not just on Friday and Shabbat, but throughout the week as well.

He also told me that this was the first resolution in his life that he actually kept for the whole year. The secret to his success: it was the first resolution he did not make alone. He partnered with his wife.

David's experience was eye-opening to me and illustrated the first and perhaps most important tool of what I call The Four D's of Lasting Change

1. Don't Do It Alone

One of the cornerstone principles of the 12-step program, which has helped millions worldwide recover from the darkest addictions, is that as humans we cannot go through life alone. We must draw on the help and support from others in order to succeed.

Involve a friend or a mentor with your resolution. Too many resolutions have fallen by the wayside because we didn’t have anyone to encourage us and keep us strong. When the going gets rough and we feel like giving up it is absolutely essential to have a shoulder to lean on.

Better yet, partner with a friend in taking on a growth project together and become accountable to each other. Accountability coupled with a sense of not wanting to let our partner down is a potent force that will give us a much better shot at staying with our resolutions.

2. Don't Take on Too Much

Too often we become inspired to change and resolve to make big improvements in our life. The problem is that even though our souls desire to grow, our bodies resist big change. Our bodies only adapt to small changes, one step at a time. So whatever you resolve to do, cut it in half. Real incremental growth is better than big aspirations that remain unactualized.

3. Daven – Pray

Even the most grand ambitions will fail without God's help. Pray to Him and ask for clarity on what you should be working on and that He give you the focus and wisdom to properly devise a successful course of action to go about that change. Turn to Him for success in your endeavors and you will have an infinitely better chance of achieving that success.

4. Don't Fear Failure

We need to stop fearing failure. Failure is an integral and unavoidable part of growth. Just as an infant falls all the time when learning to walk, we too will never grow out of failing and falling when we strive to attain a goal. We need to utilize our failures to learn new things about ourselves and then we need to get back up and try again.

The only way we can escape failure (and criticism) is by doing nothing and saying nothing.

We need to learn to chew on the fat of failure or we will remain small and unfulfilled.

This year as we enter into the Hebrew month of Elul, the month of preparation before Rosh Hashanah, let’s be smart about rekindling our inner will and resolve to change.

Find a growth partner, cut your resolution in half, pray, and be fearless about failure. You will have an Elul that will inspire you and lead you into a year filled with enduring growth.

Mothers

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up...

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.......

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn’t know everything!

14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom...

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

You Never Know

Sunday 4 September 2016

Where Did It Go?

Where Did It Go??????

( shared by Toby Lieder)

It was as if time had no hands on the clock and the time had stood still.

I looked through the window and saw the sIt was as if time had no hands on the clock and the time had stood still.

I looked through the window and saw the same old street, with the same tree and the same crack in the sidewalk, that stood there what seemed like, forever.

On the outside, it was all the same, but inside my humble home, time didn't stop there!

Every time I turned around it was someone else's birthday!

Another year has gone by?

How did that happen?

I thought it was a night like any other night.

I was folding the laundry, listening to my daughter sing her heart out in the shower. Then my throat tightened and I felt panic set in. When did I last wash her hair?

I ran to the bathroom and opened the door so I could yell inside, 'Chayala' do you need any help washing your hair?'

Her reply brought tears to my eyes, 'No, Mommy, I’m fine.'

I’ve always tried my best to appreciate every day with my 14 children. That has been my motto I’ve lived with in parenting ever since I had my first child:

Make sure they remember the joy of yesterday, experience the joy of today, and anticipate the joy of tomorrow.

I just didn’t know tomorrow would come so soon.

I’m a firm believer in kids playing hard and getting dirty. And my two oldest daughters and son, sure did that. Every day, they were out in the Aussie sunshine–climbing, digging, swinging, and getting very, very dirty. Children have to get dirty. It’s a universal law. And I’m not about to tamper with universal law.

But with dirt, comes baths. I remember when my two oldest daughters, Chayala and Shterny, would take baths together. I would wash their hair, then let them play in the bathtub for awhile. It was our routine. Then they got older. Baths turned into showers, but I was still there to come in and help them wash their hair. Then the hair washing turned into just helping them rinse out the shampoo. Then the rinsing turned into the occasional, “let’s go back in the shower and I’ll help you rinse that one spot on top of your head.”

Then came, “No, Ma, I’m fine.”

Here’s the deal with motherhood: It’s our job to raise independent kids; but no one tells you how to handle it when it really happens.

That night, it happened.

I thought back–When was the last time?

When was the last moment I rinsed the shampoo out of her hair? Why didn’t I know it was the last time? If I would have known, I would have done a better job, or made it last longer, or kissed her head, or something.

I would have done something!

I couldn’t see the laundry anymore because the tears blurred my vision. But I kept folding. Folding and praying. 'Hashem, help me remember how quickly this is going by. Help me appreciate every single day–even the hard ones. Show me the beauty in each moment–even the bad ones.'

The cure isn’t to slow down. That’s impossible. The cure is a heart of wisdom. The wisdom to know that broken dishes, stained clothes, lost pieces of puzzles, and spilled food are never reasons to lose your temper. The wisdom to know that school assignments can always be done later, after the sun sets and the mud puddles have all dried up. The wisdom to know that every moment is a sacred moment–changing diapers, snuggling on the sofa, swinging at the park, even washing hair. They’re all sacred, if you can just slow down enough to notice it.

There will be a last fort with chairs and blankets. There will be a last story and shema, before bed. There will be a last outfit put on a doll. There will be a last swing at the park. We don’t need to know when the last one will be. We just need the heart of wisdom to appreciate each one.

I took a little longer brushing her hair tonight. And I lingered as I put her hair into a single braid down her back. When I kissed her goodnight, it lasted a couple more seconds than usual. Because after 14 children and years of thinking I had all the time in the world, I realized something. life will run off with you if you let it. Sometimes, you just have to stop and breathe it in.

Thank you, Hashem, for braids before bedtime. Thank you for messy kitchens and legos on the floor.

Thank you for loud music that can't compete with my yelling,

Thank you for the mess left after a birthday celebration.

Thank you Hashem for last minute rush before Shabbos and all the yelling orders to get to the candles on time!

Thank you Hashem for the guests that left a huge mess and all the kids friends that went back home and left the house that looked like a tornado hit it!

Thank you for noisy dinner times and late-night conversations, for forts, baby dolls, lost school shoes, late night kids homework assignments, being late for doctor appointments,finger-paint in the walls, and bedtime stories. Thank you for broken wrists and shampoo for brunettes.

Thank you Hashem for the 15 seater minivan that provided us with memorable vacations, weekly trips to the supermarket, and fun Sunday outings!

Thank you Hashem, for a husband that falls asleep at Sunday picnics, because at least I have a husband!

Thank you Hashem for all the headaches and school pickups when kids are sick, because I thank Hashem I have kids to pick up!

Thank you Hashem for my back hurting from shlepping kids back to their beds each night, because

It means I was shlepping diamonds on my back!

Thank you for teaching me to number and appreciate my days. And, Hashem, when I forget, please give me a nudge and number them for me."ame old street, with the same tree and the same crack in the sidewalk, that stood there what seemed like, forever.