Inspirations By Toby

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

The 4 D's

Elul: The 4 D's of Lasting Change

How to keep your resolutions and truly grow.

David, a friend of mine, shared with me something that changed my life. He and his wife were frequently fighting and couldn't find a way out of their negative pattern of behavior. He told me that last year, as Rosh Hashanah was approaching, he decided to make a resolution that on every Friday for the next year he would write a little note thanking his wife for some of the things she had done for him over the past week. He would then stick it under her pillow where she would find it on Friday night.

Before he committed to doing this, he mentioned the idea to his wife. She thought it was such a good idea and decided to take on this project as well.

He told me that this little gesture made a great impact on their relationship, not just on Friday and Shabbat, but throughout the week as well.

He also told me that this was the first resolution in his life that he actually kept for the whole year. The secret to his success: it was the first resolution he did not make alone. He partnered with his wife.

David's experience was eye-opening to me and illustrated the first and perhaps most important tool of what I call The Four D's of Lasting Change

1. Don't Do It Alone

One of the cornerstone principles of the 12-step program, which has helped millions worldwide recover from the darkest addictions, is that as humans we cannot go through life alone. We must draw on the help and support from others in order to succeed.

Involve a friend or a mentor with your resolution. Too many resolutions have fallen by the wayside because we didn’t have anyone to encourage us and keep us strong. When the going gets rough and we feel like giving up it is absolutely essential to have a shoulder to lean on.

Better yet, partner with a friend in taking on a growth project together and become accountable to each other. Accountability coupled with a sense of not wanting to let our partner down is a potent force that will give us a much better shot at staying with our resolutions.

2. Don't Take on Too Much

Too often we become inspired to change and resolve to make big improvements in our life. The problem is that even though our souls desire to grow, our bodies resist big change. Our bodies only adapt to small changes, one step at a time. So whatever you resolve to do, cut it in half. Real incremental growth is better than big aspirations that remain unactualized.

3. Daven – Pray

Even the most grand ambitions will fail without God's help. Pray to Him and ask for clarity on what you should be working on and that He give you the focus and wisdom to properly devise a successful course of action to go about that change. Turn to Him for success in your endeavors and you will have an infinitely better chance of achieving that success.

4. Don't Fear Failure

We need to stop fearing failure. Failure is an integral and unavoidable part of growth. Just as an infant falls all the time when learning to walk, we too will never grow out of failing and falling when we strive to attain a goal. We need to utilize our failures to learn new things about ourselves and then we need to get back up and try again.

The only way we can escape failure (and criticism) is by doing nothing and saying nothing.

We need to learn to chew on the fat of failure or we will remain small and unfulfilled.

This year as we enter into the Hebrew month of Elul, the month of preparation before Rosh Hashanah, let’s be smart about rekindling our inner will and resolve to change.

Find a growth partner, cut your resolution in half, pray, and be fearless about failure. You will have an Elul that will inspire you and lead you into a year filled with enduring growth.

Mothers

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up...

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.......

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn’t know everything!

14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom...

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

You Never Know

Sunday, 4 September 2016

Where Did It Go?

Where Did It Go??????

( shared by Toby Lieder)

It was as if time had no hands on the clock and the time had stood still.

I looked through the window and saw the sIt was as if time had no hands on the clock and the time had stood still.

I looked through the window and saw the same old street, with the same tree and the same crack in the sidewalk, that stood there what seemed like, forever.

On the outside, it was all the same, but inside my humble home, time didn't stop there!

Every time I turned around it was someone else's birthday!

Another year has gone by?

How did that happen?

I thought it was a night like any other night.

I was folding the laundry, listening to my daughter sing her heart out in the shower. Then my throat tightened and I felt panic set in. When did I last wash her hair?

I ran to the bathroom and opened the door so I could yell inside, 'Chayala' do you need any help washing your hair?'

Her reply brought tears to my eyes, 'No, Mommy, I’m fine.'

I’ve always tried my best to appreciate every day with my 14 children. That has been my motto I’ve lived with in parenting ever since I had my first child:

Make sure they remember the joy of yesterday, experience the joy of today, and anticipate the joy of tomorrow.

I just didn’t know tomorrow would come so soon.

I’m a firm believer in kids playing hard and getting dirty. And my two oldest daughters and son, sure did that. Every day, they were out in the Aussie sunshine–climbing, digging, swinging, and getting very, very dirty. Children have to get dirty. It’s a universal law. And I’m not about to tamper with universal law.

But with dirt, comes baths. I remember when my two oldest daughters, Chayala and Shterny, would take baths together. I would wash their hair, then let them play in the bathtub for awhile. It was our routine. Then they got older. Baths turned into showers, but I was still there to come in and help them wash their hair. Then the hair washing turned into just helping them rinse out the shampoo. Then the rinsing turned into the occasional, “let’s go back in the shower and I’ll help you rinse that one spot on top of your head.”

Then came, “No, Ma, I’m fine.”

Here’s the deal with motherhood: It’s our job to raise independent kids; but no one tells you how to handle it when it really happens.

That night, it happened.

I thought back–When was the last time?

When was the last moment I rinsed the shampoo out of her hair? Why didn’t I know it was the last time? If I would have known, I would have done a better job, or made it last longer, or kissed her head, or something.

I would have done something!

I couldn’t see the laundry anymore because the tears blurred my vision. But I kept folding. Folding and praying. 'Hashem, help me remember how quickly this is going by. Help me appreciate every single day–even the hard ones. Show me the beauty in each moment–even the bad ones.'

The cure isn’t to slow down. That’s impossible. The cure is a heart of wisdom. The wisdom to know that broken dishes, stained clothes, lost pieces of puzzles, and spilled food are never reasons to lose your temper. The wisdom to know that school assignments can always be done later, after the sun sets and the mud puddles have all dried up. The wisdom to know that every moment is a sacred moment–changing diapers, snuggling on the sofa, swinging at the park, even washing hair. They’re all sacred, if you can just slow down enough to notice it.

There will be a last fort with chairs and blankets. There will be a last story and shema, before bed. There will be a last outfit put on a doll. There will be a last swing at the park. We don’t need to know when the last one will be. We just need the heart of wisdom to appreciate each one.

I took a little longer brushing her hair tonight. And I lingered as I put her hair into a single braid down her back. When I kissed her goodnight, it lasted a couple more seconds than usual. Because after 14 children and years of thinking I had all the time in the world, I realized something. life will run off with you if you let it. Sometimes, you just have to stop and breathe it in.

Thank you, Hashem, for braids before bedtime. Thank you for messy kitchens and legos on the floor.

Thank you for loud music that can't compete with my yelling,

Thank you for the mess left after a birthday celebration.

Thank you Hashem for last minute rush before Shabbos and all the yelling orders to get to the candles on time!

Thank you Hashem for the guests that left a huge mess and all the kids friends that went back home and left the house that looked like a tornado hit it!

Thank you for noisy dinner times and late-night conversations, for forts, baby dolls, lost school shoes, late night kids homework assignments, being late for doctor appointments,finger-paint in the walls, and bedtime stories. Thank you for broken wrists and shampoo for brunettes.

Thank you Hashem for the 15 seater minivan that provided us with memorable vacations, weekly trips to the supermarket, and fun Sunday outings!

Thank you Hashem, for a husband that falls asleep at Sunday picnics, because at least I have a husband!

Thank you Hashem for all the headaches and school pickups when kids are sick, because I thank Hashem I have kids to pick up!

Thank you Hashem for my back hurting from shlepping kids back to their beds each night, because

It means I was shlepping diamonds on my back!

Thank you for teaching me to number and appreciate my days. And, Hashem, when I forget, please give me a nudge and number them for me."ame old street, with the same tree and the same crack in the sidewalk, that stood there what seemed like, forever.