Why Do We Have Mothers?

     WHY DO WE HAVE MOTHERS? 

Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions

Why do we have mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. Clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think .

Why do you have your mother and not some other Mom?

1. We're related.

2. The doctor knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

Reichman Brothers

 WHAT A SMART MAN!

One of the Reichman brothers passed away this summer,

leaving 1 billion dollars.

He left two wills, directing that one be opened immediately

and the second be opened at the Shloshim (after 30 days).

Among the instructions left in the first will was a request

that he be buried with a certain pair of socks that he owned.

The Reichman children immediately brought the socks to the Chevra Kadisha,

requesting that their father be buried in them. Of course the Chevra

Kadisha refused, reminding the family that it's against the

Halacha.

They pleaded, explaining that their father was a very pious

and learned man, and he obviously had a very good reason to make this

request. The Chevra Kadisha remained firm in their refusal.

The family frantically summoned the Chevra Kadisha to Beis

Din, where the Rov gently explained to them, "Although your father

left that request when he was on this world, now that he's in the

world of truth, he surely understands that it is in his best interests to

be buried without the socks.

Mr. Reichman was buried without his socks.

30 days later, the second will was opened, and it read

something like this;

"My dear children. By now you must have buried me without

my socks. I wanted you to truly understand that a man can have 1

billion dollars, but in the end, he can't even take along one pair of socks! What a man! What a lesson!

The $20 Bill

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by

holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,

"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you

but first, let me do this.

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground

and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it

because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives,

we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt

by the decisions we make and

the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or

what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,

you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,

but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.
You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

Count your blessings, not your problems.

And remember: amateurs built the ark

Professionals built the Titanic.

If G-d brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

 

 

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Power pf Saying Kadish A WoW Story

                   THE POWER OF SAYING KADISH FOR SOMEONE    

A highly respected woman, the wife of a prosperous businessman in the Hungarian city of Pressburg, adopted the custom of periodically donating a sum of money to the yeshivah, on the condition that someone there recite Kaddish for the souls of those unfortunates who have no one to say it for them. The yeshivah administration agreed, appointing one of the students to recite Kaddish for those departed souls.

After some time, the woman's husband passed away. His business suffered greatly without his leadership, and eventually fell into such dire straits that the woman was forced to close it down. Her financial situation worsened dramatically. As time passed, she was faced with a new problem. Her two daughters had reached marriageable age, but from where was the money to come for their weddings?

The mother bore her burdens in silence, courageously resigned to her fate. There was, however, one thing she was not willing to accept. The recitation of Kaddish must not stop just because she could no longer afford to pay her usual stipend. In great bitterness of spirit, she turned to the yeshivah administration, pleading with them to continue the Kaddish custom until her fortune turned and she would once again be able to pay.

The Yeshivah, moved by the widow's sincerity, agreed to do as she asked. The promise filled her with boundless joy. With beaming countenance, she left the yeshivah and started for home. Her situation did not press upon her quite as much as before. As long as Kaddish would be said, she felt she lacked nothing in this world. As far as her two daughters were concerned, she would place her trust in God. The merciful Father of orphans and the compassionate Judge of widows would surely see their poverty and supply them with suitable grooms and all their needs.

One day, as the woman stepped out into the street, she saw an elderly Jew approaching. His beard was full and white, and his face shone like the sun. The woman was startled by the warmth of his greeting -- after all, the old man was a stranger to her. Her surprise grew when he began conversing with her, asking about her situation and that of her children.

The woman sighed deeply, pouring out the tale of her hardships. She described her fall from prosperity to poverty, to the point that she lacked the means with which to marry off her grown daughters.
"How much do you estimate you need for their wedding expenses?" the old man asked.
"What's the difference?" she sighed. "With all due respect, why do you wish to know?"

Rather than responding, however, the man pressed her for an answer until she gave him the estimate he wanted. Immediately, he drew a page from his notebook and wrote instructions to the local bank to pay her the amount she had mentioned.

Because this was a very large sum of money, he suggested to the stupefied widow, it was preferable that the note be signed in the presence of witnesses. They would see with their own eyes that he was signing over the money, and would add their own signatures to that effect.

Astonished and shaken, the widow went to the yeshivah to request that two students accompany her. The old man asked them to witness his signature on the check. For additional security, he asked them for a piece of paper, on which he signed his name once again for authentication purposes. He handed the check to the woman with instructions to redeem it at the bank on the following morning.

The whole business seemed extraordinary to her. Why had the old man, a stranger to her, seen fit to show her such largess -- to the point of covering the entire wedding expenses for her two daughters? Nevertheless, she hurried to the bank the next day to try her luck.

When the bank clerk read the check, he stared at the widow in amazement. He looked at the check again, then again at the widow. In some confusion, he asked her to wait. Check in hand, he went into the manager's office. The bank manager took one look at the check -- and fainted dead away!

A babble of distress and bewilderment arose from every corner of the bank. The clerks, hearing of the incident, hustled the widow into a small room and stood guard over her to make certain she did not leave. Clearly, something was amiss.

When the manager recovered consciousness, he demanded to see the woman who had brought in the check. As she stood before him, trembling, he demanded an accounting of how she had come by the check.

"I received it just yesterday from a very respectable Jew. There were two witnesses to his signature, too," she explained anxiously. "Would you be able to identify the man who gave you the check, if you saw a picture of him?" the manager asked.

"Of course I could! And I have no doubt that the two yeshivah students who witnessed his signature could identify him as well."
The manager reached into his desk and pulled out a picture.

"Yes!" The woman beamed. "That's the man. He's the one who so generously gave me the check."
Slowly, the manager turned to his clerks. "Give this woman the money," he ordered. "And then let her go."
It was only after the widow's departure that he confided his story to those present, who were naturally agog with curiosity.

"The man who gave that woman the check," he said, "was my father -- who passed away 10 years ago. Last night, he appeared in a dream and told me these words: 'Know this. Since you strayed from Judaism and stopped reciting Kaddish for me, my soul found no rest -- until this woman, this widow, came and arranged for the recitation of Kaddish for those who have no one to say it for them. The Kaddish they said for me in the yeshivah, on that woman's instructions, led to ascendancy and peace for my soul.'
"'Tomorrow morning, this woman will appear in your bank with a check that I have given her to cover her daughters' wedding expenses.'
"When I woke up this morning, I was shaken by the dream. I described it to my wife, who just laughed. But when the woman appeared with the check, I realized that the dream had come true."
(Rabbi Chaim Sonnenfeld would tell this story, adding that he was one of the yeshivah boys who witnessed the signature.)                                                              (shared by Toby Lieder)

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